Fried Eggs



My brain feels fried but it’s just my eggs

a guy on the street gave a shout out to my great legs

There were sundry ways on hand to paralyze my pain

until I learned to persist and come back round again


Coming back round to get my feet on the ground

coming back round to what’s always been true

I have more than all  I lack, in you

Renew my mind in a single stride

is all it takes to move me down this crazy road.





Part of me just won’t show

       what she needs or what she knows

the anger lies beneath the wind

       the fury stirs it up again


what did I think would happen

       what do I have to lose

turn my mourning into dancing

      I put on my high heel shoes


I can’t drown my sorrow

     breathe through the smoky haze

I want to play the song tomorrow

    but the Fiddler must be paid



Eternal prospective or why I stopped blaming the Church…



From the minute the Resurrected living Jesus, God/Man ascended into heaven the “Church”, { people who want to follow Christ,}  was already in disagreement, misunderstanding, judgement, lack of unity, and broken relationships. They were overwhelmed humans who had their hearts touched by Christ but no one could suspect where the journey of Sanctification would take each one of us.  Jesus knew it would be hard for us when he left here for a season but he also knew the Power of The Holy Spirit was to come and lead, guide, teach, counsel, and comfort us…

From birth to about the age of fifteen The Church was like a Mother’s womb for me. I was nurtured there, taught there, grew in the knowledge of The Word of God there. I quickly learned the native customs, soon a hymn and bible verse or two. You learn to speak Christian-eze rather quickly and “take on” an “idea” of who God is and how you are supposed to live but then one day you realize you cannot trust these people and they cannot trust you UNLESS you can admit that we all are simply trying to find our way in Jesus Christ.  Trust must be earned by day in and day out relationships.

As time goes on  you see that there is so much more to this Church thing. You see the gap that often lies between what we say and what we do. When you are young you don’t realize that this gap is the utter “human problem.” It is so easy to call them all hypocrites and judge them harshly therefore making my self the very same hypocrite…

I came to see that because each of us is so broken in one way or another that we are not equipped to love each other well without the Spirit of Truth in us, Jesus. We are not full of forgiveness most of the time because we do not really understand how serious God is about His Holiness nor do we (most of the time) realize the COST of Forgiveness.  His forgiveness is of course rooted in love for us but He forgives us because of one thing only which is the price that was paid by His Son, Jesus, on the Cross. 

I also came to realize that expecting forgiveness and understanding was so arrogant of me. We all have masks we wear, we all hold forgiveness from others and judgment and bigotry in our hearts UNTIL we are regenerated, born again if you will. Until we are transformed. This transformation while INSTANT in Salvation is also a process by which we grow and learn the Joy of our Salvation.

So, I hold none of you, my brother and sisters in Christ, responsible for my hurt, my wounds. I let it all go because Jesus let all of my stuff go and I stand in Him only. I long to empty my self of my self so that there is nothing left but Jesus and his love. (Philippians 2.)

There is so much more to the Christian life than what is here on earth. The eternal perspective is one that only God can reveal to each of us. We are put here to simply “know Christ and make him known.” The Holy Spirit will do and does all the work.

So if you have been wounded or wronged by the Body Of Christ, I ask for forgiveness from YOU! And if the Gospel of Jesus has done one single thing for me (which what He has done is immeasurable) then who am I to be unforgiving for what someone did to me?

To have Joy I must Trust in all that is Christ and in that Freedom we experience Service and in our service we experience Joy. 

“Job knew what it was like to be torn apart by the enormity of God…”


Faith involves our deepest passions engaged by the reality of God. For this is what Faith is amidst confusion, doubt, affliction, and being crushed by sorrow or pain. These experiences do not mean we have lost favor with God.

The freedom to doubt, the dignity that God gives us is that to fail, to be over-whelmed, to fear, to be angry, to have passion…these are part of the Christian’s conversion. Mercy is the permission to be human.

In God’s love and forgiveness for each of us he was well aware how deep the need and how dark the sin of his children are. This is why  the death and resurrection of Jesus is the only atonement that could fulfill our needs and deliver us to the arms of The Holy One.

Suffering Faith produces the presence and peace of God. Complacent Faith is a loveless Pharisaic life full of duties that we think somehow please our God.

  We can NEVER please The Holy and realize the Enormity of His Holiness outside of the Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

I find REST in this Truth and only in this Truth.


Alpha Girl Suicides



Alpha Girl Suicides…have you heard this term?

There is a lot of verbage out there in the world and cyberspace and movies about the Alpha Male but lately my attention has been drawn to the Alpha Female. The Alpha Girl is the whole package. She is strong, she is a winner, she is pretty, she excels in academics, she comes from a good solid family who love her, she is confident, and she is successful. The Alpha Girl is on the honor roll or has only made a “few” B’s in her life The Alpha Girl is not necessarily a cheerleader or a homecoming queen but she is most likely a “star” at what she pursues whether it is debate or basketball she will probably get a scholarship for it or an academic scholarship to boot. This female will have lots of friends, go to a good college, and have a dream of becoming a doctor, a journalist, a good mother and wife.

This female has a daddy who loves her well and a Mama she can talk to and is her biggest fan. She may have sisters or brothers that she adores and they adore her. This female will be cute in whatever she wears. She will have cute boyfriends and be invited to all the parties there are to be invited to. She is NOT a mean girl and she is not necessarily a rich girl. She is a very nice and pleasant girl. She is a joy to all who know her. She is Alpha because of all the things mentioned above. She moves and navigates her life with sense and humor. She leads. Leadership is natural to her. Leadership does not require large effort on her part. She is gifted. She is Alpha Female.

So why are the Alpha Females killing themselves? This is the puzzling question in a world where suicide is becoming more and more common and I cannot help noticing that the one, who by nature lives and survives well, is now taking her own life. I am not a scientist and I haven’t studied wildlife but I believe when alpha males and females grow weak unto death it is usually because of disease or warfare with a predator. {the existence of evil…discussion for another day.}

None of us can know another person’s inner self so suicide and the reason for it cannot ever really be explained nor would I have the audacity to presume or judge anyone else on this earth but this issue saddens me and compels me to questions. Not questions of why this happens so much as where was the hope, the joy of life? Where did it go for this lovely young woman who seemingly had it all?

I cannot answer these questions I can only examine myself. I can only encourage the young woman in my path that while they are gifted as an Alpha Girl they must see it all, all of life as just that, a gift. We who love them, nurture them, and follow them must remind them just like everyone else wants to be reminded, “you are loved just for yourself and NOT your giftedness.”

A sober subject perhaps but I see the validity of discussing these things. These are wonderful women’s lives at stake. This essay is left open ended in a way but I will end here with the following poem from the Psalms of David…

In you, Lord my God; I put my trust.
I trust in you: do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.
Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.

She Loved the Magnolia Tree…



She loved the Magnolia tree.

She said it was a friend amidst a strange unfriendly place.

The geese and ducks nested under the Magnolia tree.

The branches lay low tickling the ground beneath.


From sunrise to sunset the Magnolia tree was her solace.

The branches swayed slowly in the wind.

The dark green leaves matched her eyes.

The scent from the Magnolia flower made her smile.


The Magnolia tree knew her childhood and youth.

Stood guard as she raised her family in its shadow.

The flowers it gave decorated her home

And lay on the grave of her dead.


She loved the Magnolia tree.

She said it was a friend amidst a strange unfriendly place.

Now she is at rest beneath the Magnolia tree

The Magnolia tree was her friend.