Author: jill autrey dorman

Just between you and me

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vintage black windmill during sunset

Photo by Tom Swinnen

 

What I’m trying to say is we could not have known

The life we made, the trials we have and will face

Nobody else can say they know because they don’t.

 

A step down a path, an opened door of the mystery future and past

A sorrow, a joy, a mistake,  a right of choice or not

Between us we live it, two people together alone

 

Like An ancient windmill, a sentry watching it all unfold

Lying down in a field of tulips in the country side

Just between you and me it’s a beautiful work of art

The River of Mercy (the infinite flow of God’s Grace)

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woman on body of water

Photo by Daria Sannikova

We lost all of the image of God when we were found  outside of His Holiness. We are born rationalizers, barterers and liars.   Yes we are all created in His image just as he says but Sin’s first act shattered that mirror image inside of us, at least until such a time as we receive the Power of the Cross of Jesus to regenerate us, to rebirth us from our darkness into His perfect light!

It doesn’t take much to look around us and see these powerful tools of the deception of Sin.

  • Rationalizing our need for redemption and need for God By using our intellectual achievement or even our good morals or religion.
  • Bartering  with The Holy as if He could be bought with our arrogant rhetoric of being self-sufficient, mantras of our feeble idolatry of self love, celebrity, money, or even good deeds.
  • Liars- we are all in darkness and deceived by our own Sin some even professing a form of godliness but do not Honor God as our Lord, not do we give Him thanks.

 

Sounds bleak doesn’t it? However, we have been given The Good News. We have been given infinite Grace flowing in the River of Mercy so that we might repent and obey to be Reborn into the Image of God in all His Goodness and power!

I am learning that the River gets deeper not shallow the further down stream I go. I am depending and counting on the fact I have been born again by the Blood of Jesus Christ and I have nothing to offer Him and  never did but here is the beauty of the Truth of God’s plan to bring us back to Him in every way… The beauty of The Gospel is this: His love and Grace and all that implies is freely given to all who will receive it.

 

I have seen the River of Life and Mercy

A crystal clear river flowing from the throne of God and the Lamb

All who come to this river will be clean and whole

All burdens washed away, no more sorrows, tears, or death…

Revelation 22

Lose It

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man and woman boat rowing in sea during golden hour

Photo by Sebastian Voortman

They were each alone and tired of talking.

She remembered when she thought she told the Truth.

Then she grew up and knew it an impossibility for the corruptable man.

Yet their longing made them bolder and  knit them together.

It is a risk you choose, even if it means you lose everything else.

Like The Master said, “you must lose your life to save it.”

 

 

You mistook my illness as my identity

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silhouette of bird above clouds

Photo by Flo Maderebner

 

You may think you know me but you best beware,

 I am stronger than any thing so You best take care

You mistook my illness as my identity

but the Healer came to me and set my spirit free!

 

I won’t run from haters or keep quiet your lies

The Spirit teaches  me the Truth and why

You mistook my smallness as fragility

But my Maker gave Eagle’s wings to me!

 

I soar, I speak up, and I tell the Truth,

lies make you sick and bitterness takes root

Your Pharisee bondage is a con artist scam

I will listen and obey the great I AM!

A Wild Joy

/ jill autrey dorman / 2 Comments
grayscale photo of person standing on seashore

Photo by Engin Akyurt

 

Hours will bend

as words pour onto paper

 

Long day’s journey

salty is the flavor

 

White sails billow

the gull cries for favor

 

I think I’d like to be alone

but time can turn the tables

 

A Wild joy takes me over

The Holy hovers just inside

 

A Wild joy is my lover

ever changing with the tide

 

 

Born Liars…The Epiphany

/ jill autrey dorman / 2 Comments
nativity set figurine

Photo by Vinícius Vieira Fotografia

A mystery revealed. When we are born we know nothing of Truth. We believe those around us are truth tellers. We believe WE are truth tellers. We believe our parents tell us the truth and they believe it too. Our homes are warm and dry so safety must be true. Our siblings play and live the same as we do so how we live must be the true way to live. Our schools must teach true facts so educated people must be true. Our religion must be true because it rules our behavior, our traditions but the fact is we are born liars. We are born enemies of God and do not know truth. We are born liars, decievers, and accusers. The Truth is not in us until the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ utterly dwells within us. God’s Word states that not one of us is good and that humans love darkness and when the Light of the World came we did not know him. Until He chose to reveal to us, by the Spirit of God himself, who came in the flesh. Until Jesus! This is the Epiphany, the Light of the world who is the God Man Jesus. The One born in Bethlehem. The One who grew up without sin. The One who was crucified for all sin. The One who rose from the dead. The One who ascended and lives on High. The One who will return for His people and will reign forever. He is the only Truth!

So why are we surprised that we lie to each other and put on masks, and build detailed facades of being perfect families, perfect marriages, and perfect churches? Why are we surprised that some of us had Godly truth telling parents and some did not? Why are we surprised when our five year old child lies to us or sneaks candy from the pantry? Why are we surprised that we are or once were liars and not valiant for Truth?

This is an important part of understanding the ” state of human kind and our sin. Understanding our sin is the way that leads to falling on our faces before The Holy and repenting with humility. There is not plural Truth! There is only One Truth!

“All have sinned and fall short… (Romans 3:23). All of us need redemption. All of us are liars if we say this isn’t true. Truth is a person in flesh and a person in the Trinity of God’s very being. We do not know Truth in our lives until we humble ourselves to receive the Grace and the Mercy of The Holy One who is the very definition of Truth.

” and they bend their tongues like their bow for lies: but they are not valiant for Truth…Jeremiah 9:3

You said I have become a grown up girl

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person standing in pathway

Photo by Lisa Fotios

 

I remember that sweet lavender dawn

                      you looked at me across the room

you were thinking I was still that little girl

                      who cried over all the pain and gloom

Ah yes that sweet little girl is still here

                      but she is not afraid and her heart is free

By God’s grace she has grown into a woman

                       and can face each path with eyes that clearly see…

 

 

We have traveled far, that little girl and I

                       We have danced and died, laughed and cried

We have known romance and reality

                       We remember and forget, we dream and sigh…

I love that little girl and the woman she became

                        she could always spot a faker and call a spade a spade

She is me and I am she woven and spun by God

                       We travel well together upon this earthly sod…

 

 

You said I had become a grown up girl

                        and what you say is true

This grown up girl is a woman now

                        and has no need of you…

 

 

Wanted to Dance on the boulevard

/ jill autrey dorman / 1 Comment
photo of lighthouse on seaside during daytime

Photo by Maël BALLAND

I wanted to Dance on the boulevard but the pavement was cold and hard.
I wanted to be a Noble laureate but the elite intellect was indeed not art.
I wanted to preach to move the masses but they laughed at Godly wisdom.
So now I just want to live in quiet peace with the Truth that I’ve been given.
A flicker flame to a small dark house.
A small ray of sun on a cloudy day.
A log of fire to keep away the chill.
Or a keeper of The Holy Light that may light another’s way.

And Christmas comes once more…

/ jill autrey dorman / 5 Comments
person holding flashlight in road

Photo by Simon Migaj

 

The crave for connection… As we approach the advent of the first coming of Christ I am reminded that in my sixty three years of life I have never observed a more isolated society even though communication avenues are more brilliant than ever. I love that we share the love of our families on Facebook as this is the most critical form of connection in the human race…though all of us cannot connect with blood family we still have a longing to belong.
There is much data out there now regarding anxiety and shame. I believe that most of us are still very uncomfortable with these very two unraveling entities. Shame unravels the deepest level of our ability to “connect” to anyone and Vulnerability, which causes anxiety,  comes with the extremely high RISK of being wounded. Connecting with another human being is that level that gives life meaning. To tell the true story of your whole heart tells who you are. Most of us guard that story due to past failures to be understood or to find ourselves left like a wounded soldier bleeding on the battlefield…while this may sound somewhat depressing I do not believe this is true…I have lived my life both ways. One, guarded from any and all who might hurt me or think me strange (which no doubt I am strange. Hal) On the other hand I have chosen to take the Vulnerable life path in my latter years and here is why…The most vulnerable person I have the deepest relationship with is Jesus Christ. He chose to be vulnerable in the hopes that those who believe in his sacrifice will always have Hope and Life…deep inside of us we all long for these two things above all else in my opinion… when I reflect on the Courage it takes to deny “shame” and embrace “vulnerability” it is mind boggling…I have messed up innumerable times attempting these two actions of life. The result is it leaves me victorious, humble, and often times “wounded” and at risk for “injury” deep down in my soul but oh my how WORTH it the victories, failures, and wounds have been! As I approach 64 years the end of the month I must say yes I have regrets and there are things I would do differently now but I do not regret one single day that God has allowed me to breathe the breath of an abundant life and to embrace the sweaty, difficult, messy parts as well as the fragrance of a rose or a daffodil in the Spring, the salty sea of Summertime, the woodsmoke smell of Fall, and the biting cold of Winter over and over again…
My Christmas wish is that I would continue to tell the story of my whole heart and that each of you would share yours too. It is the reason for those of us who believe in the Holy Birth of Jesus continue steady on…

Where Charity stands watching
And Faith holds wide the door,
The dark night wakes, the glory breaks,
And Christmas comes once more.