Unencumbered by manipulation…

March 29, 2019March 30, 2019 / jill autrey dorman / Leave a comment

Photo by Alem Sánchez

As I prepare my heart during Lent season heading toward the Holy day of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ I keep coming back to the thought of The One in whom I put my trust.

All of us “trust” something or someone, as as a result, we worship the very thing we are trusting.

Dr. Hud McWilliams says, “for a relationship to be authentic, one must realize that a choice has to be unencumbered by manipulation.” (no fear, no rules, and no behavior that merits you favor). “

Looking back on my youth I have come to realize many of my relationships had an element of manipulation or my own agenda in them but now I see that Jesus never manipulated people to engage with or follow him.

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

God gives us the ability to openly choose Him through Jesus Christ. No manipulation, no winning a lotto, no position of prosperity or health. So, I remain humbly astounded that my relationship with God can be truly free and without manipulation…

and then I can breathe…

March 29, 2019 / jill autrey dorman / Leave a comment

Photo by Skitterphoto

I suddenly wake and can’t see anything

I start throwing my fear around…

I open the window

I look for the sun for any signs of the spring

and then I can breathe again

I can feel each Holy breath…

I hear my babies laughing

I smell roses drifting on the breeze

Deep inside a sweet voice whispers

what have you to fear?

and then I can breathe

I can feel each Holy breath…

At night I gaze up into the heavens

I hear someone call my name

I laugh at the man in the moon

and peace comforts me again

and then I can breathe

I can feel each Holy breath

Exposure

March 28, 2019 / jill autrey dorman / 2 Comments

Photo by Garon Piceli

I lie down under the burden

of the courage that I lack

For you to see the sin in me

cannot be taken back

It is my greatest fear at times

you might finally know

The dark and filth I tasted once

I never want to show

Exposure of who I really am

could it drive your love away?

After all you’re only human

dare I hope that you would stay?

The truth of exposure that I fear

is a mystery not of loss

But a debt that is fully paid

willingly hung upon a Cross

Swept Illusions

March 27, 2019March 27, 2019 / jill autrey dorman / Leave a comment

Photo by Fabio Gasperoni

Sunshine in my window I heard the screen door slam

The more I lose the more I win guess it’s just the way I am

Leaving the rain behind me living a brand new way

Taking the view I’m given being thankful every day

Swept the illusions all away cobweb’s about what is true

I cleaned out the hidden places guess that’s just what I had to do

Spring rains clears the skies I close my eyes to pray

There is still so much to know guess that’s just my way

Leaving the rain behind me living a brand new way

Taking the view I’m given thanking God every day

In the Key of Life

March 27, 2019 / jill autrey dorman / Leave a comment

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon

She sees musical notes in color

and the tunes flow like a breeze.

Minor keys are her blue notes

and her hope is the colors of Spring.

She can rush on rum and beat on drums

and can play all the chords of strife.

She sees musical notes in color

and writes songs in the key of life.

This is where I leave you

March 24, 2019 / jill autrey dorman / 3 Comments

close up photography of hand near window

Photo by Renato Mu

This is where I leave you my bright and beautiful child

You won’t know my pain of letting go at least not for a while

I had dreamed that we would always be this free

But now I know you will not have the same dreams as me

A living ache piercing to such depth I have never known

That you would ever think me less than the one who loves you so

The girl on the side street…

March 22, 2019 / jill autrey dorman / 2 Comments

Photo by Matheus Bertelli

Once I was the girl on the side street flashing in and out of the dark. I was taught a role to play for the well being of my family and for my Dad’s livelihood. I played it well. Such a mix of tender family moments peppered with the fear that maybe Jesus didn’t really come for me…

…now the ocean’s wind catches each regret, each sin, and sorrow throwing it into the eternity of a perfect God to be forever forgotten. In the light of the moon a young woman, who thought the stars would stop shining above her found the Maker of the stars and the freedom and love and the lullaby when He sang a Holy song baptizing over her in waves. So now I am drifting, sailing and it was you who came for me.

On that day when the sun tipped over the edge of the earth and spilled colors like buckets of orange, pink, and violet as a reminder of the power of Holy light. The young woman once ravaged and scarred by guilt and shame found joy in the warmth of The Son. Lifted from the darkness you came for me. You hold me in your arms and by your own wounds, scars, and stripes you heal me. The girl on the side street finally came home…