from freight trains to Ferraris
cigarette butts in the gutter to Cuban cigars
wanted to go home so many times
but it was just too damn hard…
hidden in the desert rock and sailed the Aegean sea
scrounged like a pauper and feasted like a King
ran and ran as fast as I could
but still could not get away from me…
she deserved a better man than me
she is the whole of good and light as can be
gripped all my shame then threw it in her face
and she rose above it as she walked on in grace…
These are the Proverbs of a foolish man
Please hear this and then walk another way
Avoid the Proverbs of this foolish man
the price is much too high to pay…
essays of life
Two Angels in Sodom
Photo by Sebastian Voortman
From the purity of Heaven’s halls
to the famous hedonism of Sodom
Two Angels obey The Master’s call…
The earth heaves and groans in it’s underbelly
hail fire scorches, giant stones demolish the walls!
Two Angels in Sodom save the only Remnant known
those who remain yours Oh Lord God
In the midst of unholy abomination
The Holy One will restore the Glory of His Name
Two Angels in America prepare for our rescue!
Sharp Shooter on the roof tops…
Photo by Pixabay
I dream I am in guerrilla warfare, watching for sharp shooters on the roof tops
The King was right when he said we do not fight flesh and bone
Yet we insist on killing our own over and over, the choice made, cannot be taken back
There are many traitors among us, or most likely they never were a child of the King
They look just like me so I cannot know who will gun me down, it is not for me to judge
The Truth can pierce the bone from the marrow, I know because it happened to me…
I must don God’s armor at all times, be vigilant in lie detection, oh the enemy is so smooth, it is a false light…
My heart is pounding, I cannot be silent, for every day is a day of war in the spiritual realm, to immense to be ignored.
The manifold wisdom of God sees all, the Captain of the host holds all power in his name, Messiah, Jesus, God with us
So I take up my weapons… the belt of Truth, the shield of Faith, the helmet of Salvation …
I continue to walk behind the enemy line for I know the Battle is the Lord’s, I long to remain a diligent warrior
The sharp shooter is still on the roof, the scope on the rifle is aimed at my head, I can see his eyes dead like dolls eyes
I choose to keep walking…
I walk on vigilant always for any inkling of the enemy’s presence…deafening silence
yet in a split-second a pervasive white mist envelopes me…
I feel heavy weight and aching in my body and spirit, it is the supreme stealth weapon of the enemy
It is shame, my most relentless foe
The ballast of Shame slaughters aggressively, the deadliest of weapons, worse than sarin gas…
If I don’t kill it, it will kill me and all it touches, shame is unholy from hell
I cry out to the King, blood seeping from my chest, a razor-sharp slice
I did not feel it at the point of entry
Towering above the shame the King appears, brandishing his two-edged sword
it blazes and radiates like a million Suns, in a blink the sharp shooter
on the roof top falls dead
I am blind now, crouching down behind my shield of Faith
the King wields his Holy two-edged sword and shame screeches like the demon it is…
instantly there is silence, my heart is no longer bleeding, I regain my sight
The Holy Spirit is the watchman, the Angels encamp around me
I savor the Holy rest of victory this day…
I
Not even scorpions will inhabit the desolate Judean desert…
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
Just declared to be God’s only Son. The voice and the dove announced it to the world. Driven straight out by God’s Spirit to the wilderness of Judea where not even scorpions will live…
No food or water upon these forty days. He who is announced and ordained now lay weak, trembling near death only to now be approached by Satan…
Satan, the shining one come to accuse The Word of God. If you are the Son of God??? Compared to Eden the destruction of the Second Adam seems it might be an easy victory…
Fear is a wilderness where the devil runs around
He tempted Jesus there now he wants to take me down
Fear is a wilderness where death creeps up on trust
The water is polluted, hope turns into dust
Fear is a wilderness where Jesus walked alone
Oh but The King of Ages left the wilderness undone!
Jesus never once defended his identity or Godly position. He knew that Satan knew it well. For even Satan and all his demons tremble at His name. He the Second Adam would destroy all death and hell! For the living Word is his name and his Word is more powerful than any two edged sword!
It was the brightest sky in a hundred years
Photo by Luck Galindo
It was the brightest sky in a hundred years
an ancient song that drew me here
There is no burden that these stars will fall
I know you will answer when I call
Like a dazzling topaz you fill my sky
as you drift from me to that Holy high
I knew that you were glad to go
though selfishly I did not want it so
Then you spoke to me in that gentle way
There are worse things then dying you said that day
I cried and agreed but did not want you leave
but we both know the One in whom we believe
For He holds all our days and all our joys
although I can no longer hear your voice
Today I know you’re both watching over us
The family that you love so much
My writing is a dialogue with my self…that might spill over into your life…
I have come to see that most of this need to write is a dialogue with my self in which I sort out, define, and narrate my beliefs, my perceptions, and my life…
When my Mom recently passed away I used writing as a tool to grieve, mourn, and rejoice. I use words to give Praise to God who, by faith I believe in and trust. I use writing to rail against injustice and to also humble my self that I don’t have a right to judge anyone. I have always loved The written word.
Photo by Jimmy Chan
The power of The Word that put on flesh are the words that I hold most dear. This Word lives and moves and creates and forgives and heals…
I recently have been thinking about the divide in the Church regarding the inerrant Word of God and how each believer must make their stand regarding the Bible being wholly literal or not. I know it is literal and inerrant…
In our flesh we can use the Bible and make it say something it doesn’t. For example taking the word “submission” and turning it into a way to manipulate and control others but in the context of the whole character of God and His Word Jesus clearly examples for us that submission to His Father was based on honor and glory with humility. What a difference context makes.
Sometimes there are no words for me to express the profound treasures of life but I like the challenge of attempting to anyway. Perhaps in heaven I will be allowed to write Psalms and poems to worship Jesus with…
My motivation and passion is to connect with others by something I see or have experienced and put such descriptive words on paper the the reader will feel that they are not alone in their story…
So whether it really matters in the big picture I don’t know but using words to speak life is exactly what Jesus did… ” and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us! My word for that is Hallelujah! ”
I’m a little tapped out on my self right now…
Photo by Fabiano Rodrigues
a little tapped out on my self right now
need to get my self off my hands
let someone else give the care right now
I’m just doing the best I can
No questions now please, just sit with me
Feel the sweet summer rain wash us clean
Let go of all the would haves should haves
Sit in the moment of now and not what has been
“Death begins with bad feet…”
Photo by Specna Arms
The older experienced soldier watched as twenty new young men were milling about the base. He knew they had no clue what they were in for. The Korean “police action” at the 38th parallel between South Korea supported by the United Nations (largely the United States of America) against North Korea supported by China and The Soviet Union. The older soldier was still recovering from the unexpected and brutal Battle at Naktong River. That is where his best buddy’s feet went bad. The wet boots along with pouring down rain never allowed much time for drying out. His buddy didn’t even try to get his feet dry and by the time the battle ended his feet were black. Three weeks later he was dead. The Koreans have a saying, “death begins with bad feet.”
My take away from this wisdom is that I have learned to pay attention to where my feet are walking on this journey of life. The small things. My feet get soggy with the cares of the material world of what people think of me. According to scripture we are in spiritual warfare as believers who follow Christ…
For the follower of Christ Jesus we are taught to put on the armour of God for the daily warfare with an evil , fallen world. Part of that armour described in Ephesians 6 encourages us to Shod our feet with the Gospel, the Good News that the Savior of the world has come.
How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation…Isaiah 52:7
The Solution to your suffering is not what you think it is…
Photo by Pixabay
So Truth for me came as a shock. I grew up in a well meaning Christian and Bible following home and Church but I believe there was a message given (without malice) that if “we all just come give our hearts to Jesus, everything will be good!’…
And we who have lived very long know this is absolutely untrue. Being a preacher’s daughter I went to tons of youth events, revival, camp outings where this was the mantra.
I believe what these well meaning loving people were saying (be it naive) is that we all are in need of a Savior for we are born enemies of God and dead in our sin without him. They were trying to present the Gospel but they left out one important Truth…suffering.
You see, the young girl who gives her life to Christ at your youth camp still goes home to her alcoholic mother when all is done. The boy on the football team that everybody loves still goes home to a Dad who tells him he is useless because he isn’t starting quarterback. So what occurs is the seed of their “moment” with the Lord (which I believe can be real but often is not) falls on the rocky, painful soil and is quickly plucked away by the pain of this world!
I believe that Truth is a person. Truth is the person of Jesus Christ. Jesus even tells us he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. The Truth is not pretty and tied up all in a bow. The Truth is not a Hallmark movie.
The Truth is a snot slinging, earth shattering cry of repentance and pain and sorrow into a bloody, brutal battle and only Truth can win that sin battle. Only Truth has the Sword of the Words of life and that sword must pierce you right where you are but know this He, Jesus, Truth suffered more than your mind can comprehend. He despised the shame, our shame. He scorned our sin that he would have to bear for us to live in the presence of the Holy One! Truth got slaughtered and hung on a tree for us!
So if after you accept Christ you still have your alcoholic spouse, or a son on drugs, or a daughter date raped and pregnant, or a Church that hurts you, or a failed missionary vision…you see where my heart is going here…people Jesus came to save us from these messes we have made that have caused Him so much suffering. Life without Jesus is NO LIFE AT ALL but make no mistake Life with Jesus is the Way you get through the suffering of your broken sinful life and gradually you realize the suffering is how you really know who Jesus is and that your suffering is nothing compared to the Matchless Glory of His Grace! Do not be surprised by suffering friend. Follow closely beside The Christ, who is the Truth because he has walked this path before us. Follow Him.
Kneeling at the idols of burning dreams…
Photo by Pixabay
No I didn’t worship as the pagans do or did I? That realization was a rude awakening for a girl raised in the knowledge of Christ and the Bible. Hey, those false, other gods had nothing to do with me or did/do they?
I have always been curious and believe I now know why John the Apostle wrote in the last verse of his book “children, be aware of idols.”
I have read and read that Gospel of John’s and that verse always convicted me.
After bowing down to man made works (supposedly for God), after walking many miles in my journey with Jesus I have come to know that everything and everyone put before God in my life is an idol. Sounds simple yes but it is gut wrenching because my idols come in the love of grandchildren, love of admiration, love of being right, love of caring for the sick, the love of (fill in the blank)…
As a young woman I believe my idols were rooted in the identity given me by birth. Later I believe my idols were turned to the insecurity of fitting in so I would do what everyone else was doing. Just to fit in. I could list them all but the one in my older years that finally got my spiritual attention like no other was when my first grandchild was born. Oh how God has lavished his love upon those of us who are given grandchildren! It is a good reward undeserved but I began to put that love above everyone and everything. I didn’t even realize how deep I had waded into that “good” idolatry.
But God… in his purity and fury thundered through to me one sleepless night as I was telling him that he felt so distant lately. I had taken a gift of Joy and great love and delight and turned it in to a god!
How could that be I said? I am following you Lord. I felt His Spirit say, “if you follow me then you must put no other gods before me…”
So I knelt down before my Lord had one of those snot slinging, sobbing moments of repentance…
Paul wrote, “for what do you have that you did not receive? If you received it then how can you boast about anything?” 1 Corinthians 4:7
Jill Autrey Dorman 