Follower of Jesus

High School Fiction

/ jill autrey dorman / 1 Comment
Photo by Polina Zimmerman

These high school halls are not hallowed halls but they are unsurpassed in the scheme of life lessons….Truth and Fiction …

Remember that boy with the unfortunate eyebrows hurrying down the hall as if afraid or embarrassed? He was.

Remember that girl passing a note to her “steady” guy declaring her undying devotion because he said he “loved” her? He did not.

Remember when you thought a certain friend’s family seemed so perfect? They were not.

The stereo- types still linger in these tales of fiction. Fifty years later and I can name them all by heart.

We all wanted to be (well most of us) to be prettier, cuter, thinner, funnier, taller, shorter, darker, lighter, a better singer, a better dancer, the beauty queen, the sports star, the math genius, or the valedictorian.

I guess it is like the “Breakfast Club” and the “Big Chill” movie all rolled up together. (we did have the best music though). I always felt like the adults in my days of high school tried to minimize the harshness of the unspoken boundaries. There are many people that I admired from afar and would have like to have known better but there was also a nagging burden of exposure.

Ends up that about ninety-nine percent of High School Fiction left some of us hurt and even wounded and that is where reality steps in. No, we had not yet let our tender souls relax in the discovery zone of finding there is no such thing as perfect. How could we know that what lay ahead would require a lot more truth and a little less comparison?

Just saying…

When Trials Come…

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When hardship comes your way, will you tell yourself it’s a tool of God’s grace and a sign of his love, or will you give in to doubting his goodness? Paul Tripp

Photo by James Wheeler

When the road seems shorter than before.

Wherever you turn there is no open door.

Your life is in convulsions like vomit on the floor.

All the paperwork of your life is yellowed and rotted.

Is the God’s grace of love or is it cruel?

Who do you worship and let rule you?

Will you head for the hills of Babylon?

Look for ways to numb your sorrow?

Will you turn to the One who made you?

Will you cry out and hang on to your pew?

Will you doubt God’s goodness in the dross?

Will you walk away or toward the cross?

High Desert Winter

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Photo by Adriatik Rudari

High desert winter.

White-out blizzard coming soon.

Laura Nyro on my stereo.

She warns me of the heartache coming on.

Wood burning stove keeps me warm.

Laura’s voice does the rest.

We got the blues and got it bad.

Wrapped in my Navaho blanket

Still shivering to my soul.

Observation of a Friend

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Photo by Jan Krnc

She walks like a warrior, straight-backed and crown high. Yet, humble.

Her avian eyes propel with the speed of light. Yet, no guile is found in her.

Her strong and steady hands caress a heated brow or wield a sword.

She walks like a warrior. Her sword discreetly at her side.

She is wise and does not invite chaos into her life.

She equips herself with helmet and shield, both righteous and redemptive.

She walks like a warrior. She is keenly aware of the night.

She nimbly opens the lantern that guides her path.

She walks with a quiet understanding of how this goes. Yet, she delights in Hope.

And every day she wakes and walks like a warrior.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness…

Ephesians 6:10-12

Long Been Running

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I have long been running toward that Morning light

trying so hard to be the holy one with all my might

Then you whisper in my ear, “Peace, be still.”

I have long been kneeling in that Cathedral in the sand

trying so hard to form my self into a holy jar

Then you whisper in my ear, “I am the Potter.”

I have long been wading in that River of life

desperate to drink the holy water that cleans

Then you whisper in my ear, “I am the water that never ends.”

No I lay me down on the Alter of Holy Rest

Trust my hands to the maker of all that grows

and drink every drop form the River of Life…

 oh how Peaceful it is to “be still and know.”

Remember, Hold on for One More Day

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Photo by Tim Mossholder

My friend is dying. We have been the truest of friends over fifty years. My smart, (I am talking qualifies for Mensa smart), funny, and oh so beautiful friend. We do not speak of dying much. We have long since beaten that “dead horse” (pun intended) a while ago. The buckets of tears, prayers, questions, meeting new Doctors, holding it together for family members…yes, we do all of that together because we must.

My friend is not a person who wants or needs attention. In fact, she is always calling to check on me! She is navigating the cruelest road I can imagine, and I have seen my share of people dying due to my career. My Friend and I talk about how Death is hideous in any form. This does not mean my friend is always perfect or even doing okay because this disease is as cruel as any out there. There are days when she cannot speak or move. There are days she will not stop talking. There are days she cries all day long and other days where she is watching Netflix and stuffs her face with pizza…

We see each other as much as possible or speak on the phone. Every time we part, she says, “remember and Hold on for one more day.” Recently I asked her to explain , and she said, “do you ever enjoy something so much like Christmas morning, or going to your child’s first school play, or your wedding day (or divorce day), or even being with someone when they die but when that day or event is over you know you won’t feel that again for another year or maybe ever?” She looked at me with her spring-green eyes and said, “We, all of us, every single human, are Trusted by the God who made us with remembering those sparks that make life such a treasure. So, we string those bits and glimpses of human treasures together like rare pearls and wear them near our heart. We must remember what love is, remember the sensation of sun on our face, or salt water on our lips. Remember our lover’s breath in our ear and our baby’s smell, and all the while we know that the next day everything will not be like it was on THIS day! So, when I say Remember and hold on for one more day, I am just saying tomorrow could bring a moment of sweetness, ecstatic happiness, or smooth Joy or a sunset in colors never seen before. Tomorrow could gift us a happening, an event, a feeling, a treasure that we never had before…so I just keep remembering and hold on for one more day. When I die, I will be wearing those pearls.”

“Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.” Matthew 13:45-46

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”— 2Corinthians 2:9

Finding Courage…

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Photo by Lachlan Ross

Finding Courage…I sat by my window. It was a trial this summer with many days in distress and concern. I would love to tell you I handled it so spiritually but at times that is not the case. I cried. I prayed. I talked to the whole tribe of medical people but of course the most important thing is that I went to the Lord and God’s Word.

My heart was longing to have courage but I really wasn’t sure what Courage looks like. So, to the Bible I went. Then I went to prayer. I told God I don’t really know what courage means and asked him to help me find some.

In the many weeks I was housebound I began to read about men and women in the Bible who took and had Courage and as I read I realized that none of these people had courage of their own. They had Courage WITH them. Courage is not only a verb but it is also one of the very definitions of God himself. Courage much like grace, mercy, and love are not earned they are GIVEN and who is the giver of all thing? God of course, through Jesus!

People who have Godly Courage have it because the Holy One saw fit to send His Son to be born, live, die, and rise again, and then send His very on Spirit to live in us and give Holy gifts!. Courage is God’s gift to us as His children.

Oh, don’t get the idea that Courage is especially beautiful. This gift might be torn and tattered. It might be beaten and bleeding. It might be weeping until dawn. Courage is the opposite of Fear. Fear is never a gift from God. He does not give fear. Fear tells you God is NOT with you. Fear says you are weak and frail and alone.

I sit by my window. I am gaining my strength as summer is drifting away with a thunder in the heavens.

I sit by my widow. God’s presence abides as faithful and as sweet as ever and I have found his gift of Courage.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights” (James 1:17).

I Quit Dancing with Fear…

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Photo by Pixabay

I quit dancing with Fear, such a vicious dance it is.

That same old dark day over and over no longer exist.

Yes, there are days when I hear Fear’s discorded melody.

Now I am mindful to Trust in the Holy One’s remedy.

 So, He helps me lift a Holy song and begin His song over me.

Quickly Fear is on the run as this Coward must flee.