Jesus Knows…

April 19, 2020 / jill autrey dorman

Photo by Eternal Happiness

As I lay down my head in week six of this catastrophe I just want to say if you can fall asleep but not stay asleep that is okay. If a myriad of emotions and logic are surfing on your brain waves it’s ok. If you fall asleep and wake on a couch or a child’s room it’s ok. If you are praying more it’s ok. If you cannot find the words to pray it’s okay. If you are a conqueror one minute and not so brave the next minute it’s ok. If there are a hundred thoughts and feelings lying under the five you speak it’s ok. If you mourn for the dead and grieve for our globe it’s ok. These are where the avenues of grief and change and loss take us. It is ok. If you are active in politico or have turned all media completely off it’s okay. For it is not strength to pretend you are thriving in uncertainty and that you struggle with doubt and fear. It is in our weaknesses and doubts that God comes near. He is not limited not tethered to a cosmic heavenly throne. He is right here with us in our fragility and we are not alone. Jesus knows every cell of human bondage. He knows of courage being one heartbeat away from fear. Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us and He is with us now. So rest your weary head in his comfort when you can. I have seen His beauty and have tasted His goodness and it is a healing balm. Lay down your head and rest my friends for tomorrow we will try again. There is victory in His power over things we can’t understand. I have seen His Salvation in life and in death and He has never forgotten not one of His own since before the foundation of the world. Shalom tonight dear world. As for me I have tasted and have seen the goodness of the Lord and He is more than we can fathom and so if today you fell apart it’s okay because He never will…

Bloody Cotton Bolls

April 19, 2020 / jill autrey dorman

Photo by Magda Ehlers

I saw fields of cotton white as snow

as blood red drops flowed down and soaked

those cotton fields and the earth below.

Yes the Blood dripped down on the cotton bolls.

As the Louisiana sun beat down that day

in June of 64 three boys came to say

we want to help you learn to vote

but they were shot down and the cotton was soaked.

Blood of black men drip down so slow

from the cottonwood tree the bodies swinging low

No one would help them, they were all alone

and the sun went down on the bloody cotton bolls.

Tipping Day

April 9, 2020 / jill autrey dorman / 1 Comment

Photo by João

The sun has slanted across the sky

thoughts scroll through my mind then fly

That precise sliver in time

The see-saw is tipping to the down side

I slam and am jolted by the sand in my eyes

Suddenly a week seems like a lifetime

I know I never really controlled my world

The lie in my head where I thought I was safe

but being found in Christ I am not forsaken.

Emmet

April 5, 2020April 5, 2020 / jill autrey dorman / 3 Comments

Photo by Nathan Cowley

The daybreak drizzle has moved out to sea.

The dawning clouds are steel gray.

The wind is about 10 knots up from the Gulf Stream.

Nations have risen and fallen, two world wars, more political unrest, man has gone to the moon and the World Wide Web has come along, but nothing much has changed on this little wedge of the island.

The tide goes in and out.

The gulls and cranes still swoop and dive and the dolphin still dance. The beautiful gold sea oats continue to hold the sand dunes together…
But now you… have been born!

Your little smile, your hands and feet have changed everything.

I cannot smile without you.

There are very few words of wisdom I will give you as you grow up and let me into your world of sticks, and bugs, and rocks.

You will sleep the sleep of the blessed each night and when I get the chance I will tuck you in.

What I will do my grandson is love you. Love you unconditionally with all of my being and spirit.

Long after I am gone I will still watch over you and love you with a love that has no end.

The daybreak is clearer now, the sea breeze cleansing. The wars and internet have no meaning to me now.

The tide is a beautiful dance and all of God’s creatures perform just for you.

The sand dunes are for you to climb and my whole world is golden.

No time to give away

March 30, 2020 / jill autrey dorman

Photo by James Wheeler

Out of my head

No point in New lies

Not hindered by sorrow

Simply celebrate my life

Brilliance is this instant

Melting colors into day

Living every minute

With no time to give away

Sorrow bears a goodness

Merriment holds no shame

Colors intense and glorious

With no time to give away

In my War Room

March 30, 2020March 30, 2020 / jill autrey dorman

woman wearing black tank top leaning on table

Photo by Engin Akyurt

As if at forced shutter speed all life now is slow motion.

A stealthy enemy invades War Rooms with limited detection.

At what price can we buy peace of mind and human devotion?

This peripatetic killer cares not for education or station

and will only be stopped by God’s love of our Nation.

I am still right here my neighbor.

I will pray through this long dark night with you.

Let us lift up our pleas to the One who heals.

Let us be the ones called courageous and true.

I will, I will fight in my War Room for you.

Love Rushes In

March 28, 2020March 28, 2020 / jill autrey dorman / 1 Comment

white light forming heart on black surface

Photo by Johannes Plenio

The Chinese refer the human heart as the “Emperor” of all the body organs. As some of you know I spent the largest part of my nursing career as a Cardiac Nurse. In the care of the heart I was in my element and in the technical exploration of the heart even more so. I literally loved looking at hearts and being a very minuscule part of attempting to repair them. There is much that technology’s advancements have taught us in sustaining healthy heart function. Did you know that over an average life span a human heart will beat without fail over forty million times? There is a wear and tear on such a faithful organ that works this hard and there are many physiological reasons the heart will wear out, malfunction, or fail.N

Takosubo Cardiomyopathy is a type of non-ischemic (a situation not caused by “restricted blood flow”) which is phenomenon in which a “temporary weakness of the heart muscle occurs.” In lay-people terms it is referred to as “broken heart syndrome.” A true diagnosis stating the overwhelming loss, constant anxiety, and other emotional situations can lead to a “broken heart.”

In the matters of the heart I believe we have only two options. We try to control it and it still dies or we give it over to God and it really never can die. There is no middle ground.

It is a given that after forty billion beats a heart is going to finally come to a stop. I am of course speaking tongue in cheek here as I am speaking of the Spirit of a person, their heart that does not die.

The writer Charles Martin says it this way in his book Send Down the Rain.

“Love rushes in where others won’t. Where bullet are flying. Love stands between them. Love pours out, empties itself. It scours the evil wasteland, returns the pieces that were lost, and never counts the cost.”