I am always astounded when a renewed sense of the “Realm of Grace.” is gifted to me by the Holy. My dear mentor Dr. Hud McWilliams puts it this way, “Grace erodes all of our human ability to be gods. Grace removes ALL of our ability to PRETEND we are in control.”
I clearly see This Realm of Grace cannot be diminished, Grace cannot be penetrated by darkness, Grace cannot be stopped by disease nor death, and best of all it cannot be bought or earned! The birthing place of Grace is Mercy. The person of Grace is Jesus our Lord who died and gave us his grace because our Heavenly Father is merciful. This refreshing and renewing gift from Grace is that Grace annihilated Shame! And I bear it no more!
She is a petite and elegant woman. She is dying. After receiving palliative care for a year and a few days, she is now receiving continuous care until she passes away. In the area of Hospice nursing, continuous care abbreviated to CC marks the twenty- four hour care beginning. I have been on twelve hour shifts with her for three days. The first visit I noticed that she continuously positioned her right hand in a fist with her thumb slightly curvedat the top of the fist. I would straighten the hand out flat thinking this would be more comfortable but within five minutes that hand would return to the position of holding onto a rope. I began to observe that even in her brief waking moments she would do this action with both hands. Eventually during very quiet and brief conversations we talked of her younger life and all the glorious days that love in life have brought her. A loving husband, healthy children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren. She told me that her husband is the best human being she has ever known. She was the first female professor of a big University in Texas and she said her husband supported her all the way! On the last day she was weaker and her voice diminished so we didn’t talk much. I had been straightening her hands off and on for days and within a minute or to she would peacefully dose off and put her hands right back in this unique position. Finally, I asked her about it and she said, “sometimes I become a little afraid of dying and when that fear hits I am reminded of a braided cord. A cord made up of three separate fibers that are entwined as if they were one large rope. Unbreakable bonds, least that is what they say. One day the pain and fear overwhelmed me and I whispered to God and asked for comfort. Then as I prayed my hands seemed to involuntarily fold like a fist holding a rope and it was so comfortable and calming. As I lay there praying the Spirit of God greeted me so gently and told me he loved me and soon he would be taking me home. He told me to hold onto to this rope of The Trinity and not let go. He said that he won’t leave me and to just trust him and hold on to the rope and even as I grow weaker and you straighten my hands they return to the rope and I hold on so hard that I feel no pain nor fear at all. Within the hour this beautiful, faith filled woman died but without a doubt I know Whom she was holding to and that He would never break his promise.
“It is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee. 2Corinthians 1:21,22
He said I felt like a sledgehammer in his chest He said my steel magnolia eyes are the place he found rest He said he never met a girl life me before or since He said life without me made no sense And the music played and the song was sung.
A remote beach calls me with a symphony of crystal sea sound. Swimming free under a Copper Moon shining atop the waves Fears are banished into the midnight phosphorus of indigo blue My heart is so full and I know that I am homeward bound.
I surrender my soul to the wonders of The Holy One I weep for joy as the tentacles of humanity gently slip away The Copper Moon escorts me through the peace I have found Holy baptism fuels me yet again and I know that I am homeward bound.
I remember how you loved cinnamon toast and Saturday cartoons. I remember when I cried in the dark, you came to my room and made me laugh We whispered and giggled until we saw the man in the moon. We scurried back to bed when we heard Dad coming. You are my hero, my comedian and friend and brother for life and beyond…
It is fall now, the brisk breeze flings all her colors around me. The smell of wood burning is like a heady perfume The fire catching sparks at the hem of my coat I fly now The time is slower, people are farther, love prevails
Silence is an endangered sensory gift. The “still point” of a turning world is the origin of this dance called living.
I do not preach in market place or a building. I preach by my way of life, imperfect though I am.
There is the ” Inevitable hard”, there is the ” failure”, the “burden of difficulties” yet in these points there is great “Joy” knowing I am not alone.
While Winter hangs on a bleak horizon Hope is banking in the wind. Hope always and ever present. Dawn seems still far to the east…but it is coming with the Morning Star…a fine day is clung to and stretched to its utmost limit… the present, the moment is where I choose to stay…for to gaze too far ahead is to surely bring this moment, this present to an end…
The water is turning gun metal gray as the front porch door is shoved by the wind and is screeching on its hinges The water sprays my face. I lick my lips, and savour the salt. I can smell the rain and see a squall forming off shore. I batten the door and settle into my old two seat glider, (also from the sixties). I love sitting here listening with my eyes closed to the symphony of waves, wind, and thunder rolling like a timpani drum. I know when the electrical dance begins by the sudden brightness invading my closed eye lids. When I open my eyes lightening in all of it’s patterns and torque reflects off the sea presenting pulsing colors that spark, turning the water and sky into myriads of blues, purples, yellows. There is something so stunning about a vast body of water as it collides together with the night sky. When my journey brought me here to live on this island on this Gulf of water I was very young. I wanted to live in Florida a while and enjoy a Jimmy Buffet and Ernest Hemingway kind of life and love of the sea.. I wanted to study nursing and perhaps write my poetry (not that it qualified as literature) or a short story. When fall and winter came it was the best. I was accepted by the locals and learned the history of this little (unknown at the time) town and the people who grew up here. I carry grace and forgiveness from there to here so many years later. The storms are the strength …glassy clear water is the peace…
Jill Autrey Dorman 