I have been thinking a lot about Truth. I am compelled by the passion Jesus has regarding true Truth. He told His followers that He is Truth and knowing Him(the truth) will set us free. Truth is controversial and it requires confrontation. The key here is the confrontations are not arguments. The confronting of issues flows readily from what is “life giving” plans, not to bring condemnation. Remember the famous Bible recording of a woman being brought to Jesus in the public meeting place and they told Jesus that she needed to be stoned. You probably know the reply Jesus gave. It is a controversial confrontation in his early ministry but His delivery of Truth was so clarifyingly crystal clear! .He said, ” if anyone here Is without sin why don’t you throw the first stone..” Can you imagine if those men knew they were talking to the only One who was qualified to throw stones! I just love how Jesus teaches! He tells us the Truth and he is speaking of himself.
Do you have people who on life’s journey have for some reason impacted, or influenced you in either a good or a bad way or both? I am not speaking here of influential parents etc…but those who perhaps displayed character and wisdom that remain in your memory bank and you would like to emulate. That person that you may meet suddenly and briefly but their impact quietly journeys on with you long after. For example, I met a girl on the first day of tenth grade who impacted me with her kindness in a profound way but by Christmas she died of Leukemia. We were fifteen years old. She was so kind to others and never complained of her pain. The last time I saw her was in a hospital bed and even though she tried to hide it I could see her pain as she periodically would grab the side rails of her hospital bed until her knuckles were white . I knew this is what “courage and bravery” were about. I did not yet understand fully what I was seeing at the time but she stayed with me. Her beautiful young skin was alabaster white and perfectly smooth. Her smile remained genuine and her eyes sparkled when she smiled. From our meeting to this current day every time I hear John Denver’s song, ” Sunshine on my shoulders .” I stop and remember. No matter how short her physical life seemed, the impact she had on me was a gift. It was a gift to many others too. I have a few people. Their actions or examples of how they handle life are inseparable from my development as a human being. To be a good human, to be creative, to be life giving with actions and words, to speak with wisdom and kindness, to be witty or clever. You see, each one of them have shown me their dance steps of joy and sorrow. These steps come with success or failure. They have taught me how to love and forgive others. They have even shown me even when to walk away.
I am always astounded when a renewed sense of the “Realm of Grace.” is gifted to me by the Holy. My dear mentor Dr. Hud McWilliams puts it this way, “Grace erodes all of our human ability to be gods. Grace removes ALL of our ability to PRETEND we are in control.”
I clearly see This Realm of Grace cannot be diminished, Grace cannot be penetrated by darkness, Grace cannot be stopped by disease nor death, and best of all it cannot be bought or earned! The birthing place of Grace is Mercy. The person of Grace is Jesus our Lord who died and gave us his grace because our Heavenly Father is merciful. This refreshing and renewing gift from Grace is that Grace annihilated Shame! And I bear it no more!
She is a petite and elegant woman. She is dying. After receiving palliative care for a year and a few days, she is now receiving continuous care until she passes away. In the area of Hospice nursing, continuous care abbreviated to CC marks the twenty- four hour care beginning. I have been on twelve hour shifts with her for three days. The first visit I noticed that she continuously positioned her right hand in a fist with her thumb slightly curvedat the top of the fist. I would straighten the hand out flat thinking this would be more comfortable but within five minutes that hand would return to the position of holding onto a rope. I began to observe that even in her brief waking moments she would do this action with both hands. Eventually during very quiet and brief conversations we talked of her younger life and all the glorious days that love in life have brought her. A loving husband, healthy children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren. She told me that her husband is the best human being she has ever known. She was the first female professor of a big University in Texas and she said her husband supported her all the way! On the last day she was weaker and her voice diminished so we didn’t talk much. I had been straightening her hands off and on for days and within a minute or to she would peacefully dose off and put her hands right back in this unique position. Finally, I asked her about it and she said, “sometimes I become a little afraid of dying and when that fear hits I am reminded of a braided cord. A cord made up of three separate fibers that are entwined as if they were one large rope. Unbreakable bonds, least that is what they say. One day the pain and fear overwhelmed me and I whispered to God and asked for comfort. Then as I prayed my hands seemed to involuntarily fold like a fist holding a rope and it was so comfortable and calming. As I lay there praying the Spirit of God greeted me so gently and told me he loved me and soon he would be taking me home. He told me to hold onto to this rope of The Trinity and not let go. He said that he won’t leave me and to just trust him and hold on to the rope and even as I grow weaker and you straighten my hands they return to the rope and I hold on so hard that I feel no pain nor fear at all. Within the hour this beautiful, faith filled woman died but without a doubt I know Whom she was holding to and that He would never break his promise.
“It is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee. 2Corinthians 1:21,22
He said I felt like a sledgehammer in his chest He said my steel magnolia eyes are the place he found rest He said he never met a girl life me before or since He said life without me made no sense And the music played and the song was sung.
A remote beach calls me with a symphony of crystal sea sound. Swimming free under a Copper Moon shining atop the waves Fears are banished into the midnight phosphorus of indigo blue My heart is so full and I know that I am homeward bound.
I surrender my soul to the wonders of The Holy One I weep for joy as the tentacles of humanity gently slip away The Copper Moon escorts me through the peace I have found Holy baptism fuels me yet again and I know that I am homeward bound.
I “feel” in color. These color harbour themselves in my heart like a traveling carnival. Today as I lay down to rest I am aware of a sadness wrapped around me like a blanket. The color I feel is called “Evening in Paris” blue. It is a Catalina blue tinged with muted dark lavender. What a beautiful color sadness can be. I see cafes quiet with an evening crowd. I see and feel a comfortable sense of lighting coming from the old gas street lamps that flickers burnt orange in the blue of this night. This sadness is comforting in a strange way. It is pondering missed people, remembering a special day that can never be again. It is a story to tell of both the good and the.bad of life. The “Evening in Paris Blue” lay like a blanket upon the earth. Everywhere you look it is blue and it is okay to be sad sometimes. it is a primary emotion. In its soberest of actions sadness cannot be explained very well but here in Evening Paris blue there is no explanation needed. it is just a feeling. It will pass but I will see Evening in Paris blue again.
A Beach Morning Glory Railroad Vine growing on the Beach
Love will grow over barriers and around obstacles still blooming and still fragrant. Love is having the strength to stay. Love is a wild and furious risk, a pouring out of all that one can from that cup and drink it. Love is rich and poor. Love is sickness and health. Love is a verb, an action word. Nothing about love is passive. Love cannot be manipulated. Love. Risks. Everything. The Holy God is Love’s name…ponder this, ponder Him on this busy Tuesday of your life. Love changes everything!
Today God orchestrated some happenings that I needed. It was an affirming whisper from him…
Such an intimate and sweet “I love you” from my Lord. I say intimate because He and I are the only ones who know. I say sweet because I am his daughter and he understands me.
Jill Autrey Dorman 