John Steinbeck, the most read author all over the world ( many people think it is Hemingway) brought the landscape and the soul of America, the people of this nation to life,for better or for worse with his words. Words like Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men. He studied people in every circumstance he could find and observed the heart of those people.His legacy remains “Steinbeck Country” still exists for us to read and just maybe, if we listen to each other, America might just begin to heal her wounds, or at least stop committing suicide.
In a life of Healthcare the sum of lessons I have learned cannot be measured. I am weak at writing and expression but reality of life and death are ever clear. An ordinary day in the Intensive Cardac Care Unit in West Florida Hospital. I go about my work. I am twenty-two years old. I sat down at the nurses desk to chart on my patients. My seat is one from which I can see straight into the hospital bed approximately 20 feet away in front of me. “Deductive reasoning” is when a data leads to one conclusion. ” Inductive reasoning” by definition is where a conclusion is probable but not certain. ” “Aductive reasoning” consist of incompleteness of purposes. I sit writing in neat script. Occasionally I glance at the patient directly in front of me. His hospital bed is in the upright sitting position. His nasal oxygen cannula is tilted in his nose. The ever present monitors of important numbers and squiggly repetitive lines of the heart rythmn, rate, and blood pressure are constant. I glanced down at my watch as nurses often do, note the time. My attention is called to a sound of panic. I stand up and head for the noise and just like that the man’s eyes widened and from the torso up his whole body turns blue. I yell for help and all my colleagues and a doctor come running. The doctor begins calmly giving orders. I glance down at my watch again. Seventy- eight seconds had passed. The man is dead. His Aortic vavle had dissected and his heart simply exploded. I had never witnessed this before nor sense. It left me marked. All the types of “reasoning” that I relied on could not find its place. It took me hours and days and even to this day to piece through the seventy-eight seconds and a passing from life to death. In the end, I am left with no conclusion except this, Life, in all its myriad of seconds passing by cannot be defined by human reasoning.
I had a dream that I was walking on the beach and about twenty yards away I looked and there stood Jesus wading in the water. i ran to him with all my might and we embraced, as we walked along the shore we spoke of many things that he knew were in my heart and like a beautiful string of pearls I gave them all to him.
as we walked the sea began to dance and sing and dolphins began to dance as if they too enjoyed worshipping him!
After our walk Jesus came into the place he prepared for me and we sat for what seemed hours, days, years but there is no time with him.
“The fact is that sin is a bigger disaster than we think it is and grace is more amazing than we seem to be able to grasp that it is. No one who really understands what Scripture has to say about the comprehensive, every-aspect-of-your-personhood altering nature of sin would ever think that anyone could muster enough motivation and strength to rise to God’s standard of perfection. The thought that any fallen human being would be able to perform his or her way into acceptance with God has to be the most insane of all delusions. Yet we all tend to think that we are more righteous than we are, and when we think this, we have taken the first step to embracing the delusion that maybe we’re not so bad in God’s eyes after all.” Paul Tripp
You better pray everyday
You better read your Bible every day.
You better join the choir, teach Sunday school, be a missionary, or do some kind of ministry.
You better tithe.
You better be at Church every time the door was open. (This one was easy because my Dad was a Pastor.)
So, if you are out there trying to earn your way into relationship with God it is a burden that you need not carry and when you realize this Truth it is actually a relief. Then you can start to actually do and say the things that please God by letting His Spirit live in you.
It can be a rough ride and not a pretty sight, but Jesus did not come and die for us because it was comfortable or pretty. He did it because he understood and still understands that it is HE who brings life from sin and death, and it is Jesus in you that will produce “good works and fruit.”
Your behavior will change because Jesus transforms our hearts and out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, the hands serve, and the love overflows. I know, because I spent years trying to be good enough and failed and then as I lay all of that down I began to change.
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6
It is dusk in winter casting the sky and world into Winter blue. I squint my eyes and can see that little girl. That one, see her over there? She is quite the believer! She knows this color blue was made just for her and she looks forward to it every year. She gazes at the stars and sees the gateway to Heaven open wide and welcoming. Every season it occurs. Her crooked little smile and deep set navy-gray eyes are shining with the hope of Christmas. She loves getting toys of course but her love for feeling safe and cozy on a winter night means more than toys. There are decorations, and a tree with a favorite ornament hanging there and the warmth of family gathered. She knows her family loves her but she also knows that they whisper that she is a dreamer when they speak of her and they wonder if she will be all right . Dreams are not rebellion you know? As the years flow on Winter Blue comes again and again, however for me, the little girl’s safe existence and lingering dreams would have slipped through the looking glass had I not kept my promises to never lose her or our rendevue with Winter blue.
I am always astounded when a renewed sense of the “Realm of Grace.” is gifted to me by the Holy. My dear mentor Dr. Hud McWilliams puts it this way, “Grace erodes all of our human ability to be gods. Grace removes ALL of our ability to PRETEND we are in control.”
I clearly see This Realm of Grace cannot be diminished, Grace cannot be penetrated by darkness, Grace cannot be stopped by disease nor death, and best of all it cannot be bought or earned! The birthing place of Grace is Mercy. The person of Grace is Jesus our Lord who died and gave us his grace because our Heavenly Father is merciful. This refreshing and renewing gift from Grace is that Grace annihilated Shame! And I bear it no more!
He said I felt like a sledgehammer in his chest He said my steel magnolia eyes are the place he found rest He said he never met a girl life me before or since He said life without me made no sense And the music played and the song was sung.
A remote beach calls me with a symphony of crystal sea sound. Swimming free under a Copper Moon shining atop the waves Fears are banished into the midnight phosphorus of indigo blue My heart is so full and I know that I am homeward bound.
I surrender my soul to the wonders of The Holy One I weep for joy as the tentacles of humanity gently slip away The Copper Moon escorts me through the peace I have found Holy baptism fuels me yet again and I know that I am homeward bound.
Evening has fallen and I find myself sitting in a place of yearning, like being home sick. I am completely at peace. All is safe and warm yet I have a longing. I want to savor this life I have been given.
Every once in a while a moment will cling to me longer than others and it catches my breath because I want to stay there for a while before it becomes a memory. In those moments I might smell fresh cut grass or feel thunder shake the earth or laugh until my stomach muscles ache or taste the sweetness from the honeysuckle vine. Like an old reel to reel movie I see all of them. All of the memories. All of the generations of my family and I want to go home. What joy to know the God who loves us in a place where there’s no death or time. It is wonderful.
Today God orchestrated some happenings that I needed. It was an affirming whisper from him…
Such an intimate and sweet “I love you” from my Lord. I say intimate because He and I are the only ones who know. I say sweet because I am his daughter and he understands me.
