Joni Mitchell and a cup of tea…
I shut the door so no one can see
and dream of something kept underground
when I had to jump off that merry-go-round.
I loved the ride and all the pretty horses
I loves what I thought I would be.
I would have sold my blood to be published
so all the work could read.
I would wax eloquent and be held in high esteem…
all the other riders would admire me.
They would gaze at me on my grand carousel
marveling at all the wisdom I share.
Well now I speak in present tense…
the merry-go-round broken down and spent.
For my profound literature there is no need
I still like Joni and a cup of tea.
I heard there was a party not in this Cage of flesh and bone
Since there is little or no magic here, I am stepping on down the road
Time is out of mind, send me an inviting card
Just swaying in the Twilight, leaving earth won’t be so hard
I was interviewed in a gutter, took a catnap in a palace grand
Just a wayfaring woman, Shadowing the Promise Land
A duchess lost in fiction in love with a Strangers moon
Now Truth is my destination, Time will be forgotten soon…
The ocean’s wind catches each regret, each sin, and sorrow throwing it into the eternity of a perfect God to be forever forgotten. In the light of the moon a young woman, who thought the stars would stop shining above her found the Maker of the stars and the freedom and love and the lullaby He sang washing over her in waves. So now I am drifting, sailing and it was you who came for me.
On that day when the sun tipped over the edge of the earth and spilled colors like buckets of orange, pink, and violet as a reminder of the power of Holy light. The young woman once ravaged and scarred by guilt and shame found joy in the warmth of The Son. Lifted from the darkness you came for me. You lifted me in your arms and by your own wounds, scars, and stripes you healed me.
This is the heartbeat of God’s love. The fractures, wounds, and scars are remarkably purified like gold after the pain of repentance has done its work making every person precious in His sight transforming us into the Holy wholeness of the Holy One whose image we bear.
In the end are not the scars part of the beauty?
I think Jesus, when we meet him will show us his perfectly mended scars in his human-ness even though He is now glorified. He is always perfect. I think he will say “yes, these scars represent each of you and they are beautiful.”
I’m not sure I want to be the writer of this page. I know that words can be written and read leaving someone broken or they can leave another someone free...
I want to be light but I am often heavy. That is all on me. It is part of my wiring I suppose.
I am sure of this though. Eden has had not gone. It still is there in the fertile crescent where the four rivers dance down from the mount pouring out the water of life. The Tree of Life still stands in the center its leaves twirl gently in the milk gold sunshine that never sets.
While it is true that no unredeemed human can yet re-enter its guarded gate there is an unspoken melody on the breeze that gently sings “oh but man and woman shall return and He, the King of glory will bring them in! No more tears will be shed, no more sin and dread shall darken the days of Eden the way it was…”
For the Lord our God is One!
See the Prince of Peace he walks among the trees. The evil fruit banished and gone forevermore and all God’s children are home! I hope these words find you free and light but if they find you heavy do not fear because Jesus is all about light and freedom. You are invited to himself just the way you are.
Let me take you to my beach
where the sand is sugar white
The water blue as a daydream
laps the shore in three-quarter time
At night I’ll take you to the stars
where the sailing ships all go
Where salt water heals your skin
like a lullaby heals your soul.
It is not “the one that got a way” who breaks you. Oh sure it burns deeply for a long while but you aren’t broken. It is the “white fire love” that purges you of every single last thing you are holding on to that makes up your life. Your tapestry. Your little “g”-god, if you will.
These white fire loves are those closest to you. Those who have the power if you let them to hold your hand to the purest, hottest white fire and expose what relationships you truly have. This white fire is unpolluted light. It has no shadows. This kind of white fire is the lesson of relationship. It is the ingredient of being a whole, developing human being. This white fire love will either drive you into prideful manipulation or the empty abyss of isolation if you don’t let it do its work.
That is why God put us in marriages and gives us siblings and parents and children. These great loves in our lives are the vehicles that propel us into risking it all.
That is why God sent Jesus and why he gladly came and that is why in the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus prayed and asked if there was another way to atone for all sin. It wasn’t that Jesus didn’t want to die for us because he said, “it is done. I commit my self to death.” It is simply because Jesus IS the white fire love, in the flesh, the God/man with no shadows who could see all the evil that his white fire love would have to burn in order to reach us.
So, when your spouse or your Dad or your child “burn” you and you are broken and hurting by something they did or didn’t do how will you respond? Will you let it purge you of perhaps your own selfishness, your self-protection, your wounds, your entitlement issue, or will you get in your old little worn out row-boat and row out to the abyss of isolation and just “lick your wounds” or perhaps be a martyr?
None of those actions will purge your soul with white fire love. White Fire Love will let you be patient, let you be resilient, let you love when they are unlovely, and it will leave you with a heart of gratitude for the relationship you have with that person.
White Fire Love will let you grow and develop into wholeness. White Fire love is love like Jesus does. Now that is the Love that I don’t want to let “get away.”
The White Fire Love of God will free you.
In the autumn of my life I am walking purposefully and briskly until winter comes. I gladly release the past more often now. Sources of shame that I have carried too far are easily shed. I exhale slowly, mindful of silence in its fullness. I cherish Hope in all of its color that now paints my days and nights. I smile when I hear the church bells chime on each hour as if to remind me of all the people who have come before. That great cloud of witnesses from Adam’s first breath to mine…
In moments of stillness I do not despair rather I find peace in the untended vine and the helter skelter of a long-standing fence whose boundaries it marked long forgotten…there are no more sad funerals only more seasons…
I am invigorated to finish my life well. I take in each moment with my family and find unspeakable Joy in them. The unconditional pure love for my children and grandchildren is inexhaustible. I watch my grandchildren playing. They dash by me and run and shriek with innocent laughter. How free they are. They have never betrayed anyone or themselves. I am humbled to know them…
Dusk comes early in autumn. Wood smoke scents the air. The light of the fire nurtures my ragged bones and sooth them with new energy. I know that the Heavenly Host will soon sing along with me the Doxology that is the Autumn of my life and I will be called from this world and I will gladly go…Eden has not gone. It still is there in the ancient fertile crescent where the four rivers dance down from the Holy mount pouring out the water of life. The tree of life still stands in the center its leaves twirl and twinkle in the milky pure golden light that has no beginning and no end…and again the Doxology of the Holy will endlessly rise in awe and sweetness to the King of Glory…
Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
This post is dedicated to the writer of The Ragged Edge of Night by the talented artist Olivia Hawker. She knows why and what she did for me. She helped me not compromise the writer that I want to be…like her. Read her book. You will be inspired in wherever your path takes you.
All of the tourists have gone away
there is no more t-shirts for sale today
The rest of the locals are raising a toast
back to the quiet and the pull of the moon
No footprints in the sand, no hurrying to do
There is no other sky like October blue
the deep green waves call out to you
My heart is captured by the lure of the Sea
that autumn wind still carries me
I want to walk on the beach in my old sweatshirt
Just looking for shells and listening to the surf
I have been “leaning into” the book called The Gospel According to Job or about three years…the subject of suffering is a hot bed of emotions in the human realm. The one million light bulbs that go off in my head like some crazy paparazzi event when I contemplate truly suffering usually sends me into an endorphin crisis. Some have said to me “well, if you had more faith…blah blah blah…” ( God is the one who gives faith and I Love that. He will measure out to me the Faith and Grace and Mercy I need from his very own hand he gives it to me).
I am seeing more clearly what is the heart of Job. He has become a friend to me. He is what is called a “type” of Jesus (foretold in the Ancient Testament). Job had unmerited suffering put upon him. It was allowed by God. (This right here will upset many of you but I believe God can allow whatever he sees best to befall anyone. I believe this because I know that God is more Good and more wild and transcendent and more terrifyingly wonderful than I have ever even begun to know!!!) Job was a man who pleased God yet lost all his family and home. All of his children in one day…cannot even go there!
Anyway I am saying all of that to say the story of Job is not about suffering in the way I always use to think, even though suffering is well displayed in its pages. The story of Job is that for him the worst thing that could ever happen was that he might lose his Peace with God…think about that.