Photo by Pok Rie
I was not your faithful friend
I was not truthful, no
I am not the best daughter, sister, wife, or mother
But I know The One who is all I have not been
The One who is a kind and faithful friend
The One who always tells the Truth, yes
The One who is the best in me that I cannot be
The One who’s is all I have not been
So when you think of how I let you down
And remember the times I did not live in truth
I want you to know that I know
Jesus is The One who is all I have not been
Photo by Marta Dzedyshko
Like the vaults of God’s Holy temple
the blue spruce branches arch over me
Each heavily draped with new fallen snow
I kneel down in grateful prayer under the Cathedral Tree
I have never been one to love easily and trust
but You Oh God have loved me with perfect love
I was heavily draped in sin and you washed me white as snow
I kneel down in humility under the Cathedral Tree
Photo by Ionut Cerchia
As I sat in the still and In the mess
In the emptiness of my own conceit and arrogance
The old man with white hair said,
“these are your thorns to bear…”
When the only free person in the room
Is the one who is in chains
Then it is time to look at what man calls “justice”
Pontius Pilate could not deny his claims
It is in vulnerability that God’s Grace comes
It is in the mourning that the Grief is fulfilled
It is in the freedom of Truth that I want to run
It is in humility that true courage is spilled
When you stand close to His gypsy fire
your heart will hear a blue cold note
He will burn you with his lies
but His truth will hurt the most
He has always been a runner
and cares nothing for all he has not been
He will stoke his gypsy fire higher
and steal your heart away again
Gray against gray the dawn awakens
the grayest ashes have all turned cold
Just when you believe his dreams were real
you will find to the highest bidder you were sold
Photo by Pixabay
She said I can’t go through this again
I can’t cover up your sin
Anymore…
She just kept walking down the road
Trying to drop that heavy load
Somewhere…
Oh the days go better than the nights
The prayers crack through a little light
Sometimes…
The storm blows in like a runaway train
Jesus is standing there calling her name
Again…
Photo by Pixabay
I want to sleep deeply in a minor key
Need that old emerald sea washing over me
Sprinkles of “should have” drop into the sand
A seeker, a woman, just had to love that man
I put my mind on pause till the midnight moonrise
I smile a reverent smile when the church bells chime
Painted soft flames of love lick around my heart
The shadow of a poet she is only catching sparks
Photo by Pixabay
Part of me just won’t show
what she needs or what she knows
The anger lies beneath the wind
the fury stirs it up again
What did I think would happen
what do I have to lose?
Turn my mourning into dancing
I put on my high-heeled shoes
I can’t drown my sorrow
breathe through the smoky haze
I don’t want to work tomorrow
but the Fiddler must be paid.
Photo by Dominika Roseclay
You can look for me on the streets or home
my footprints are there but I may be gone
There is a scent of rose and a south wind breeze
a slight Texas drawl and a gospel hymn…
They say no one knows where they belong
without a doubt I know this is wrong
For every step taken must be redeemed
this journey’s path is seldom what it seems…
You can look for me in this Texas town
where all my roots lay deeply in the ground
A sense of strength and a southern swag
and a Gulf Coast pull that calls me back…
You can look for me on the streets or home
Some familiar paths and some still unknown
You will hear my laugh dancing in the trees
the cottonwood’s shade as the church bells ring…
Photo by Garon Piceli
I lie down under the burden
of the courage that I lack
For you to see the sin in me
cannot be taken back
It is my greatest fear at times
you might finally know
The dark and filth I tasted once
I never want to show
Exposure of who I really am
could it drive your love away?
After all you’re only human
dare I hope that you would stay?
The truth of exposure that I fear
is a mystery not of loss
But a debt that is fully paid
willingly hung upon a Cross
I met a young sweet boy in high school. He was trying to find his way to manhood with a heart so kind and fragile. I, as well, had no idea how to handle the heart of anyone. I desired to be careful yet there is an “innocent ignorance” of youth that is just brutal…
This boy thought that I was unattainable as he watched me from afar laughing with other boys… Oh the angst of those lovely awful years of high school! None of us can know the “power” we have to hurt others…I certainly didn’t.
I liked high school for mostly social reasons. Academically I was only interested in English Lit, and writing with a little bit of interest in history. I suppose I was a “cool kid” in the world of “labels” that befall us in high school. However I was terrified of being a fake. I will never forget one of my classmates who could cut you deeply with his wit…he reminded us almost all of the time that we were ALL fake! I just love that he did that. (Thank you Bill)
One day the sweet boy waited for me after school and asked if he could give me a ride in his car. I said yes and his face turned red. At the time I had no idea how much courage that took but I understand it now. After all the possibility of rejection drives the human soul to craziness.
Now it is some forty years later but I have never forgotten that gentle boy…he went his way and made his life. He is a man now. A good man. I knew he would be…and even now I will smile when I remember what he said to me one day…”you are beautiful inside and out”…such few words yet having a major impact. I took those words with me from that day. I have tried to live up to them and failed many times. It made me want to be a better person…it still makes me want to be better…Thank you sweet boy…I remember…
“now to see things clear is hard enough I know while you’re waiting for reality to show…but when you have a real friend somewhere it makes all the others so much easier to bear…” Jackson Browne
Jill Autrey Dorman 