I take up my pen…

fashion woman notebook pen

Photo by Negative Space

 

I take up my pen to write again of the love you give to me.

No one else was there in that dark night of despair when I saw how much You had to bleed.

You tenderly wrapped my dead body in your shroud of forgiveness, and sealed it with the balm of your Grace.

Your kindness brought me to repentance, and you held so sweetly my tear streaked face.

People say they have heard it all before, and I hope that they too have seen,

The One who knelt beside me and cried along with me.

The chief of sinners, I was your enemy yet still you died to claim.

I will tell you Jesus loves you and me and by no other name can we be saved.

I confess I have often prayed and used Jesus Salvation for me as a means for “life” not to be hard…

bible book business christian

Photo by John-Mark Smith

 

The crowds were waiting. The sick, the lame, the blind, the demon possessed were all waiting for Him. The One who they had glimpsed in other crowds on other days healing everyone he touched. Where was He? Those other men were his followers so He must be close by.

Jesus was away at a distance. He could see the crowds below growing larger. Jesus was praying.  Jesus was here for a reason but today it was not to go down to that crowd and heal them physically. Jesus was going on to “to other towns” to preach the Gospel.  It is not that he did not love and care for the infirm and helpless ones at the bottom of that hill. He did and does care but His primary healing is/was to be done to the souls of the human race. His Gospel is this, Sin kills, Hell is real but God is Merciful and He, Jesus is the Way to Life. Jesus is the passport we need to The Kingdom.

I confess I have often prayed and used Jesus Salvation for me as a means for “life” not to be hard or uncomfortable here on earth. I have prayed for healing for myself and others. I pray every day for a “not hard life” for my children and grandchildren” but that is NOT why Jesus came. Oh do not doubt, Jesus cares for our trials on earth but He cares more that we receive Salvation from our sin and spend eternity in His presence.

Jesus promises those that receive Him will have eternal life and that He will never leave us nor forsake us and as one of my favorite quotes says, “you cannot find the Cross of Jesus on your own. It is Jesus who must lead you there, as if you were a blind person.”

So, I confess I tried to manipulate my relationship with Jesus by asking Him to not let me or those I love suffer but in His Gracious infinite Love and Wisdom He forgives me and says, “now walk with me and tell everyone that Jesus Christ is Risen and the souls of man can be saved forever.”

Mark 1:39

It Is A Civil War

crashing waves

Photo by Ray Bilcliff 

As I sit by the ocean and hear it’s deeply powerful roar.

The waves seem so angry and crash on the shore.

Brother against brother like I have not seen before.

My heart cries at the hatred, it is a Civil War.

Everyone is talking but it is just a screaming noise.

Oh God show us mercy for all we’ve destroyed.

 

 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1John4:8

John 3:16.  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

 

 

 

There were many who could accuse her…

 

assorted colors rocks

Photo by Ir Solyanaya 

There were many who could accuse her, she knew it was the law.

The very men who used her now want to see her stoned.

She remembers how it started, so hungry and alone.

She rode the tide of shame and commerce, with nowhere else to go.

She heard about the Holy man healing all the sick.

They said he spoke of God’s love for all, even those who have no hope.

So now she stood before Him and prepared herself to die.

He then wrote something  in the dirt and gazed up into her eyes

And said, “no man here can accuse you and neither do I.”

Oh the washing of her soul a deluge fell that holy day,

and she followed Him from that time on, He is The Truth, The Life, The Way!

Come endure the Midnight Hour

brown boat on beach line

Photo by Emre Kuzu 

 

Time is not a matter here

in the midnight hour

I sing to you my love song

though it be worn and tattered

 

I fell the deep wells of danger

of both your Joy and Light

To such will be the way of it

 beneath the looming night

 

Come endure the midnight hour

where language has no name

Yet Hope and Hardship mingle

 with your Faithfulness and Grace

I am here now

person kneeling on highway

Photo by Ricardo Esquivel

Have you ever had the strange sensation of having traveled off the map of your own existence?

It is like moving in a mysterious land where you only know a smattering of words in that language and feel so far removed from your core being.

Some scholars call this some kind disorder of adjustment but I disagree.

I find this to be a time of challenge and exuberance in this journey.

A bigger lens through which to view the magnificence of this great pilgrimage, from the cradle to the grave and beyond…

then just as quietly or quickly some sound or smell or jolt of love for someone brings me back home.

I am now standing in my familiar dimension and even though I do not feel totally whole in this earth shell…

I know that I belong here for now until I know that I don’t anymore.

…And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.” John 8:32

 

 

A Mom

high angle photo of woman on ladder

Photo by Samantha Garrote 

A mother is a 100 percent flawed human being who was allowed to have part in a unique way in another human beings life. Not every mom loved it, wanted it or succeeded at it. Some moms are sick. Some moms are wounded or abused. Some are driven by a secret or a demon. Some dreamed of being moms since they could talk, others did not. Some are natural at it (whatever that means). Some of us live, eat, and breathe it. Some of us enjoy every moment except maybe the fatigue! Some are fulfilled. Some are not. Some of us fail (ed) at it. Some are not biological Moms but are mothering anyway.


The Truth is most of us didn’t know what we were in for. For me being mom was more than I ever dreamed. It set me “right”. It makes me want to be a better person than I am. Motherhood gives me unspeakable joy and to be honest when it hurts it is the most painful experience. This holiday called Mother’s Day is not good or bad. It is a societal invention. That’s okay. If you are a mom this holiday and you enjoy it that is honorable. If this day brings you pain or grief this is honorable as well. We all must make our peace with our moms and with our children. Moms count in the billions. Moms are not a political agenda or a consumer product. Moms are people who love and want to be loved and fail or succeed depending upon the day or the moment of any given day. I am in the club. I wouldn’t change that. I have no regrets. To all the moms out there…let’s be kind to each other.

Nothing about Love is passive…

purple flowers

Photo by Nadi Lindsay

 

Wisteria vines will grow on walls, over other plants  and  along the weathered splintered gray fence that is long forgotten. The vine of Wisteria is thick and knarled and strong…

The fragrance of the low hanging purple clumps of flowers permeated the bright spring day and it made her feel lightness in her heart that she had not experienced in a long while. She thought about how precious her memories of first love are. There in lies the treasure. It is in the pleasure and the pain…if you allow it,  first love leads to the Truth that we know nothing much of love.

She is older now and reflects back often on what she thought love was as a young woman or rather perhaps she was simply in love with what she thought love was. She loved but then she lived. In that living she learned that love is tough as nails. Love is knarled like the Wisteria vine. Love will grow over barriers and around obstacles still blooming and still fragrant. Love is having the strength to stay. Love is a wild and furious risk, a pouring out of all that one can from that cup and drink it. Love is rich and poor. Love is sickness and health. Love is a verb, an action word. Nothing about love is passive. Love cannot be manipulated. Love. Risks. Everything. The Holy God is Love’s name…ponder this, ponder Him…you will find Him because Love never quits and perfect Love cast out all fear and Love never ever fails.

 

 

 

Jesus Knows…

woman lying on rock

Photo by Eternal Happiness

 

As I lay down my head in week six of this catastrophe I just want to say if you can fall asleep but not stay asleep that is okay. If a myriad of emotions and logic are surfing on your brain waves it’s ok. If you fall asleep and wake on a couch or a child’s room it’s ok. If you are praying more it’s ok. If you cannot find the words to pray it’s okay. If you are a conqueror one minute and not so brave the next minute it’s ok. If there are a hundred thoughts and feelings lying under the five you speak it’s ok. If you mourn for the dead and grieve for our globe it’s ok. These are where the avenues of grief and change and loss take us. It is ok. If you are active in politico or have turned all media completely off it’s okay. For it is not strength to pretend you are thriving in uncertainty and that you struggle with doubt and fear. It is in our weaknesses and doubts that God comes near. He is not limited not tethered to a cosmic heavenly throne. He is right here with us in our fragility and we are not alone. Jesus knows every cell of human bondage. He knows of courage being one heartbeat away from fear. Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us and He is with us now. So rest your weary head in his comfort when you can. I have seen His beauty and have tasted His goodness and it is a healing balm. Lay down your head and rest my friends for tomorrow we will try again. There is victory in His power over things we can’t understand. I have seen His Salvation in life and in death and He has never forgotten not one of His own since before the foundation of the world. Shalom tonight dear world. As for me I have tasted and have seen the goodness of the Lord and He is more than we can fathom and so if today you fell apart it’s okay because He never will…

Tipping Day

a person with foot up in the air

Photo by João 

 

The sun has slanted across the sky

thoughts scroll through my mind then fly

That precise sliver in time

 

The see-saw is tipping to the down side

I slam and am jolted by the sand in my eyes

Suddenly a week seems like a lifetime

 

I know I never really controlled my world

The lie in my head where I thought I was safe

but being found in Christ I am not forsaken.