There are no new words that I can write
No way to change the world tonight
I can feel a sadness coming round again
Trying to take me someplace I’ve already been
I am just calling it what it is
The way God made me, I am a child of His
When loneliness visits and friends don’t call
It is best not to compromise the Truth at all
Contentment is not happy and sad is not depressed
I’m still so far from wisdom, always was I guess
This melancholy often drives me to my knees
It is just the way God made me, I am a child of His
The puddles in the street were the color of lead
These tastes and shapes of words spoken among the living and the dead
Night jasmine dances under an indigo sky
I stand here crying over the grave where we died
We could have had it all, been something envied and grand
But our chaos took over letting us fade away into our self made wasteland,
I mourn you , us, and everything we never could never be,
And all that is left are the graveyards of a failed love, leaving nothing of you,
and little left of me.
This poem was written in collaboration by my self and the talented Kristen. Check out her site at A Writer’s Soul
As I sat in the still and In the mess
In the emptiness of my own conceit and arrogance
The old man with white hair said,
“these are your thorns to bear…”
When the only free person in the room
Is the one who is in chains
Then it is time to look at what man calls “justice”
Pontius Pilate could not deny his claims
It is in vulnerability that God’s Grace comes
It is in the mourning that the Grief is fulfilled
It is in the freedom of Truth that I want to run
It is in humility that true courage is spilled
She never scoured with tears
Not her face, not her life, not her floor
She was as strong as the Mississippi’s speed
And tougher than the man who made her bleed
Relentless in love, quiet and strong was her way
Not hardened but not taking back her living
Until one day she took that shotgun round
The shot that rang out put him in the ground
She did not scour herself with tears
She washed herself clean in the blood
She held her head high for her children
That man would never make anyone else bleed again
She said I can’t go through this again
I can’t cover up your sin
She just kept walking down the road
Trying to drop that heavy load
Oh the days go better than the nights
The prayers crack through a little light
The storm blows in like a runaway train
Jesus is standing there calling her name
Oh yes I learned at an early age that my face and eyes and smile could paint a picture of self confidence and a surety I could articulate all the answers expected of me. I am after all, my Father’s daughter and “no one” would get next to me…
For years I danced this dance of being strong and able. Of not letting by hurts show. Of being articulate to hide the pain. Of keeping it all together for the sake of…
By God’s grace over the years this survival mode of being all together began to erode away as I grew into the realization I wasn’t made to just survive and I wasn’t made to please others or be strong or lead. I was made in the Image of God to live my life in such a way that He would be known and glorified by it (my life).
Now when I see my self coping with life in that old default survival mode more often than not I can spot it and go to the Holy Spirit for guidance and He is always ready and present. God does not help those who help themselves. Nope. That is recorded nowhere in Scripture. God knows that we cannot save ourselves which is why, of course, He saves us through His Son Jesus, by Grace, by Mercy, by His atoning blood shed for us. God saves people who think their coping skills are working until they aren’t. God saves us because of who He is not because of who we are or anything we have done. This is a great relief to me and probably any fellow believer in Christ. This truth gives me great comfort every day.
When Jesus told the disciples that He had to return to the Father’s house to prepare a place for us and said he would send us The One who would dwell in us, with us, guide us, and yes give us heavenly coping skills until that glorious day we go to our Father’s House forever.
How are your coping skills working for you? Eroding survival skills are a slippery slope that gives way to dying. God’s way is so much better. I choose not to go back to my comfort zone in order to avoid exposure, pain, or suffering. The cost is much too high so I choose to stand in The One who really did pay the highest price for me.
Hey let’s bend the light and pretend we’re sitting together on the back porch this September Texas evening. Come share it with me. Share the fact we are getting older and it is a fact we are still learning to love Jesus and man we really don’t love others well without him present. Let’s share our weakness and our strengths and how religious formulas are not why Jesus came for us.
Come share with me that we humans struggle with being exposed. That we try to behave a certain way and look a certain way so that we can belong. Let’s share that we are concerned about aging and health and what our kids and grandkids are facing in their future. Each generation succeeds and fails in some way. Let’s share that doing good is its own reward privately before our Lord. Let’s share sometimes life is so lonely but at other times so joyful we weep and laugh with thanks.
Let’s celebrate our blessings and grieve our lost dreams with humility. Together let’s take ownership of our relationships that failed and the mercy in the ones that succeeded.
Share my sojourn and yours with me. How God in his amazing Grace saved us when we did not deserve it. Let’s bask together in Truth and redemption and healing. Most of all let’s sit humbly and quietly embracing our humanity and God’s lavish unending love and goodness to us. Let’s say we are sorry, we forgive, and we rejoice in all that is this crazy ride called life.
Let’s share this September Texas sunset and Praise The Holy and thank him for the gift of each other and for giving us one more day to learn to love Him and each other better. Will you come and sit a while?
“A friend loveth at all times.”. Proverbs 17:17
She wore a Silver sorrow
like a crown upon her head
Upon her shoulders Burdens and
her feet were shod with Dread.
Then touched was she by Grace
and Mercy that crown replaced
Now she dons the golden Joy
made of tears from Jesus’ face.
The sound of blood thundering in my ears…crashing to shore like a wave on a cliff crushing all the breath from my body. Utter fear pounding and pounding in my brain. My heart aches with the “unknowing” of a thing. A small blip of Faith still beats now and again. My eyes see no pathway. My ears only hear a rushing like thunder…wild and furious are my thoughts. Will He BE who He says He is? Doubt mocks me with every second of my pain…is there another moment left to me? I must now meet my God who loves me…oh yes, I will meet Him here or there…where there is no marking of time. It is God who justifies. Will I flesh out what I say I believe? Not by MY might and not by MY spirit but by the Lord’s “no holes barred” power alone. Right now! Right here! Loss, fear, joy, war, victory, death, and life…I cry out without words or sound…blip, blip, faith, blip, blip, faith…then a wisp of Presence. A command for Peace. I cry to The One I have never seen and then sight of soul dawns like morning.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,  Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38,39)
The first time I touched heaven I was a five year old little girl who knelt down beside her parents and prayed to Jesus, who loves me…The faith of a child was heaven…I touched the face of pure love. I prayed to Trust Jesus.
A twenty one year old college girl alone in the sand and sea with Hope renewed. I touched the King of the Kingdom and I confessed all my fear and failure… and we walked anew.
A thirty year old wife and mother…tired and scared of what I didn’t know. I touched the Spirit of God and he whispered to me that He would never leave me…I rejoiced in Peace.
A thirty-four year old woman who was breaking her marriage and her life and had depression and despaired of the goodness of God…but he gave me a man who would not walk away and I touched a Faith restored in God’s goodness.
A forty-five year old daughter I put my Daddy in his earthly grave and a light went out of me in this world but the Light of the World kept shining and I touched the Power of the Resurrection in Jesus Christ.
A sixty-three year old grandmother of five…I kneel each day in gratitude for every breath and every family memory…I touch Joy unspeakable and full of Glory…
When I leave this body to go to my Father’s house…I will go to The One who died for me and I will touch eternity and live forevermore in His presence finally touching my Lord who is Heaven…