the Christ follower

No Darkness at All…

/ jill autrey dorman
art blur bright burn

Photo by George Becker

If you have lived any part of your life without receiving the love of Christ then you have known the dark places that lie at the heart of what may or may not appear to be light. Like many Christians before me I am compelled and pushed toward this light driven somewhat to the point of desire for perfect love, which cast out all fear. In the book of first John he states, “this is the message, in Him there is no darkness

I hope in these words daily. What an astounding profound statement and fact. I want this person, Jesus, who is the Light. I want to bathe in it, live in it, and roam the halls of eternity in His warming light.

 This marvelous, scandalous love of the God/man Jesus intrigues me so.
Although love has the component of something sweet that makes me “feel” good most of that time it is only a fraction of the Wholeness in Him.
REAL LOVE it dawns on me is dangerous, not safe. Love is risky. It will get hold of you from the inside out and its grip is so tight that if we could stand the squeeze we find ourselves willing to do anything for its sake. In the words of the warrior-child Lucy in C.S. Lewis’s Chronicle of Narnia I am reminded over and over of the fact that God is absolutely GOOD but He is not safe.
He is the one who says, “I’ll risk myself and come down to you because I choose you and so you may find me and be amazed at my pure light of love and glory. It will do you Good for Good is who I am.”

the subject of suffering is a hot bed of emotions in the human realm.

/ jill autrey dorman / 2 Comments
selective focus photography of tree leaves

Photo by Egor Kamelev 

 

I have been “leaning into” the book called The Gospel According to Job or about three years…the subject of suffering is a hot bed of emotions in the human realm. The one million light bulbs that go off in my head like some crazy paparazzi event when I contemplate truly suffering usually sends me into an endorphin crisis. Some have said to me “well, if you had more faith…blah blah blah…” ( God is the one who gives faith and I Love that. He will measure out to me the Faith and Grace and Mercy I need from his very own hand he gives it to me).
I am seeing more clearly what is the heart of Job. He has become a friend to me. He is what is called a “type” of Jesus (foretold in the Ancient Testament). Job had unmerited suffering put upon him. It was allowed by God. (This right here will upset many of you but I believe God can allow whatever he sees best to befall anyone. I believe this because I know that God is more Good and more wild and transcendent and more terrifyingly wonderful than I have ever even begun to know!!!) Job was a man who pleased God yet lost all his family and home. All of his children in one day…cannot even go there!
Anyway I am saying all of that to say the story of Job is not about suffering in the way I always use to think, even though suffering is well displayed in its pages. The story of Job is that for him the worst thing that could ever happen was that he might lose his Peace with God…think about that.

Coffee and antiseptic…I was young and new at loss…

/ jill autrey dorman / 1 Comment
architecture daylight door entrance

Photo by Erkan Utu

 

Coffee and antiseptic is the smell of the hospital to me. That smell is as familiar as coming home and while I know for  many people   this odd combination of fragrance carries a myriad of meanings and feelings.

What began as a life long journey for this  twenty-two year old  woman of such an innocence has in the last forty years become one of the most essential teachers of Wisdom on my road map of life.

Forty years ago I was young and new at Loss. Not a master of loss as I am now…

I learned that while “science/medicine/technology” gives a perception of control it simply cannot ultimately answer the deep questions of life. Science can achieve many wondrous feats but it is powerless in its outcome alone.

Once you see a patient’s eye shine with gratitude or you hold a total stranger in your arms as their life tumbles down around them one of two things will happen. Either your heart will break (which is okay and mine often has) or your blood will cringe and you will not be able to stay.

In the halls, rooms, and waiting rooms of this place that smells like coffee and antiseptic I have learned that as driven as we are to present our lives as if full and orderly the soul of a human and the meaning of life cannot be answered by mere science and knowledge.

The stuff life is made of goes on outside of these walls…Normal stuff…pushing your baby on a swing…normal stuff…listening to your clothes dryer hum all night long because you never get all the laundry done…on and on this list could go…normal stuff.

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. 1 John 5:13

 

 

Slow dancing home…

/ jill autrey dorman
person in blue shirt on sunflower field photo shot

Photo by Rhiannon Stone

 

Sun flowers turn their face toward the sun everyday of summer…

The ocean is pulled and pushed by the tide without missing a beat…

With each succeeding step I take in this slow dance I see less brambles and thorns and more rich colored roses…

I see bright green leaves of trees and the glorious redness of an apple… 

The high meadow mountain where the four rivers flow is getting closer and closer…

The lushness of Eden beckons and sings with the swaying pines…

The scent of jasmine and wisteria mingle through the air…

There is a warm wind that brings the warmth of summer yet I can see the harvest of fall and the daffodils and green of spring all at the same time…

The song of the rivers sing a Holy melody and I dance slowly on…

And oh such music, I can hear it so clearly in the laughter of children and the cries of the hurting…

Each step of this slow dance feels exactly right and I know I am dancing home…

 

 

 

Next Generation of The Church…

/ jill autrey dorman / 3 Comments

pexels-photo-247195.jpeg

 

I truly love my daughter’s generation (thirty somethings), well I don’t love all of their music (I can’t believe I am my parents)…I have enormous respect for their mantra…”I don’t have all the answers and neither do you.” I love how they can smell a “fake of any kind” within seconds! They live in a culture that isn’t buying into Christian consumerism, they are not for sale. They do not want to be entertained at Church (God knows there is enough entertainment in social media). They want to know God, experience His real presence and find worship in their own hearts that is not manufactured for one day a week on a stage. I just love that! I will say it absolutely terrifies me as well. The shift in our world to “postmodernism” makes me feel like I am floating in slow motion in water through a world I recognized but it is slipping away. Part of this exhilarates me and part of it so uncomfortable that my heart races, I am anxious, and will wake in the middle of the night and pray. I pray that they won’t throw the baby out with the bath water in some kind of reverse Dogma.
This tension is a must in the relationships of life. The relationship with the God who made us right down to the people who love us for better or worse. The thing is Jesus and “tension” go hand in hand. If we study his life we will see that His “absolutes” were few but man were they TENSE! So simple yet so “in your face”…”hear the word of the Father and do it and love others and forgive everyone else”…are you kidding me?
God intensely loves my children’s generation. No one wants more for our kids than God does! I believe that. For me it is evident in the women my girls have become in spite of me. Their grace and graciousness continue to astound me.
So when I feel alien in a postmodern world I look at them. At the Jesus in them and I take a deep breath and I know that Jesus made a way for every generation to find Him, to come to Him, and that through Him they will find the presence of God’s peace. So when I am not panicking or praying I am cheering them on with all my heart, my love, and my being to “press on” to love Jesus, love others and forgive all.

Reversing Thunder

/ jill autrey dorman
lightning on the sky

Photo by Ayu Shaky

 

You were fascinated by my  turnings

Women chatter in the market place

I’ve now  gone further than your worries

See the lines upon my face?

 

I need solitude to  write I said

I’m lacking the academic brain

It’s so hard not to steal the moments

before they fly off into space.

 

I speak your promises back to you oh God

Reversing Thunder by your Holy Word!

There is no other Truth to stand on

this sums up all I’ve learned!

 

 

 

Jesus and Women, the oil of Joy…

/ jill autrey dorman / 2 Comments
selective focus photo of bottle with cork lid

Photo by Mareefe on Pexels.com

 

Side bar, just a short one I promise… (This sounds like theology 101 but fear not…it is not boring! It is absolutely fabulous for women.)

  • In the recorded life of Jesus we can clearly see that he never assumes there are rules in following Him designed for women only.  Jesus treated women as unique individuals. Nowhere does he condescend to flatter women, he rather demands as much from them as from men.

You have been anointed by the Holy One and you know the Truth. 1 John 2:20

Jesus’ approach to women is revolutionary considering the cultural norm of his day. When we hear the “Woman at the Well” story in the traditional exegesis, so much is made of the fact that this woman had multiple marriages and is in quite a predicament of living with a man, even as she speaks to Jesus, who is not her husband. Not only is that issue not the focus of this conversation with Christ but he actually gives her an apostolic role: Once she believes and is made a follower of Christ (disciple) she call others as Jesus called the twelve. She says “come and see” and others believed “because of her word.”

I love this declaration of Jesus’ first “evangelist move.” It clearly frees us of any cultural or theological hang up that women are NOT messengers of “The Kingdom of Heaven” that Jesus came to establish.

“Exposure to Jesus and His Kingdom are not  related at all to being male or female. The Gospel of Jesus is about receiving the testimony of the Spirit and embracing the hope of the gospel.”  Don’t you just love that? (1 Corinthians 2:14)

The Cleft at Rock Bottom

/ jill autrey dorman / 4 Comments

“Your fierceness has deceived you, the pride of your heart…”

mountain view

Photo by Tatiana on Pexels.com

I hit rock bottom. For me it wasn’t an addiction that spiritually bankrupt me. It was me, my desire to be my own god that brought me to the end of my self.  At rock bottom someone was waiting for me. He had been there all along. At rock bottom I remembered like the younger brother in the Prodigal Son story that I had a heavenly Father who was calling out to me to come home! I love that the Father’s heart has not changed toward his Child and I love that the son’s heart has deeply repented (changed) regarding his actions and his deep regret of his rebellion and sin…

With the daily news full of young and old stars overdosing or ending their own lives makes me ponder what is “Rock Bottom” for us all?

who’s at the bottom of the bottle?

who’s at the end of the needle?

who’s there after the divorce?

who’s there after the empty nest? 

who is there when the man comes to you and tells you you have cancer?

who’s there when you have all the money in the world or none at all?

The Cleft at Rock Bottom is the only the One who delights in us. The only  One who counted the cost and yet charges us nothing. If I have learned one thing in life it is that the Refuge I have found in God through Jesus Christ is the only Refuge that is offered freely.

He gives an open invitation to come and be sheltered in the dwelling of God, The Most High. At rock bottom Jesus is the cleft in the rock. I encourage anyone who might read this post to come! Come and abide in the Cleft of the Rock that is Jesus Christ.

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: My God, in Him will I trust.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is the root that leads to fruit…

/ jill autrey dorman / 2 Comments
green tree photo

Photo by Felix Mittermeier on Pexels.com

 

It’s the root that lead to fruit.  When you dig down about two knuckles deep under a fruit bearing tree you will expose the gnarled bumps on the bark. That is where all the nutrients and energy are. The thicker the branch the older the tree. Ah, there is a metaphor in there somewhere. The more foliage to wood ratio means the tree produces less fruit than their offspring but the older tree produces larger, heavier fruit with more strength, oil, and taste in it.

Being grounded and rooted like the Bible talks about does have to do with maturity as in age.  Psychologist and author Dr. Hud McWilliams states, “Maturing is the weakest link in the Christian walk. You can spot immaturity by how much gratitude, joy, and dimension the believer has. God is NOT one dimensional.”  In other words, God is not just into let’s say “healing” people. He is about the whole person.

“The infinite dimensions of God are what marks His being as different as ours.” Yes we are made in his image but we are human. We are finite. We are created to be finite but our spirits are what goes on into those other dimensions that man cannot fathom. We were created to bear the mark of His image which is love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  patience, and self-control. These are the fruits of being image bearer.

 

She felt as if she has stepped off the very edge of the earth…

/ jill autrey dorman

 

beach calm clouds coast

Photo by Ibrahim Asad Pexels.com

 

She felt as if she had stepped off the very edge of the earth

Following  the gull she tilted her head to its arc of flight

Her pocket  filled with a beachcomber’s small treasure

Fingering each curve and dash of the shells awash with sun and sea

 

In the early evening light the sea shimmered and shifted gently

The tones of lapis and turquoise dazzled her vision

while the white sand beneath her feet cushioned the touch of the earth

Taking a deep breath of the salt air she wished she could live here forever.