Turning 70

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
Praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well. psalm 139:13, 14.

This last sunset of my 6th decade has left me pondering my life. The consistent thread in my life has sewn a beautiful tapestry of life’s many different colors and stitches. Like every other human being on earth I have known tragedy and triump. I have sorrows that scar my heart but I have great love which heals my heart. I have had illnesses, chronic pain with many moments of healing and reprieve.
I have known great gain and loss. I caused most of my own heart ache so I blame no one but myself. To sum it up, I journey just like millions of others. So here now is my testament in 70 years there has never and I mean never in my life when I cried out to God and he was there for me. Upon hearing the voice of The Good Shepherd every time I stumble. He, Jesus, has been here with me and for me without fail. I know His voice!

So here I go…
Heading out this morning, into the sun
Riding on the diamond waves, little darlin’ one
Warm wind caress her, her lover it seems
Oh Annie, dreamboat Annie
Ship of dreams
Oh Annie, dreamboat Annie
Little ship of dreams

Winter Blue

It is dusk in winter casting the sky and world into Winter blue. I squint my eyes and can see that little girl. That one, see her over there? She is quite the believer! She knows this color blue was made just for her and she looks forward to it every year. She gazes at the stars and sees the gateway to Heaven open wide and welcoming. Every season it occurs. Her crooked little smile and deep set navy-gray eyes are shining with the hope of Christmas. She loves getting toys of course but her love for feeling safe and cozy on a winter night means more than toys. There are decorations, and a tree with a favorite ornament hanging there and the warmth of family gathered. She knows her family loves her but she also knows that they whisper that she is a dreamer when they speak of her and they wonder if she will be all right . Dreams are not rebellion you know?
As the years flow on Winter Blue comes again and again, however for me, the little girl’s safe existence and lingering dreams would have slipped through the looking glass had I not kept my promises to never lose her or our rendevue with Winter blue.

Grace

Photo by James Wheeler

I am always astounded when a renewed sense of the “Realm of Grace.” is gifted to me by the Holy. My dear mentor Dr. Hud McWilliams puts it this way, “Grace erodes all of our human ability to be gods. Grace removes ALL of our ability to PRETEND we are in control.”

I clearly see This Realm of Grace cannot be diminished, Grace cannot be penetrated by darkness, Grace cannot be stopped by disease nor death, and best of all it cannot be bought or earned!
The birthing place of Grace is Mercy. The person of Grace is Jesus our Lord who died and gave us his grace because our Heavenly Father is merciful.
This refreshing and renewing gift from Grace is that Grace annihilated Shame! And I bear it no more!

Nursing Journal Memories

She is a petite and elegant woman. She is dying. After receiving palliative care for a year and a few days, she is now receiving continuous care until she passes away. In the area of Hospice nursing, continuous care abbreviated to CC marks the twenty- four hour care beginning. I have been on twelve hour shifts with her for three days.
The first visit I noticed that she continuously positioned her right hand in a fist with her thumb slightly curvedat the top of the fist. I would straighten the hand out flat thinking this would be more comfortable but within five minutes that hand would return to the position of holding onto a rope. I began to observe that even in her brief waking moments she would do this action with both hands.
Eventually during very quiet and brief conversations we talked of her younger life and all the glorious days that love in life have brought her. A loving husband, healthy children, grandchildren and even great grandchildren. She told me that her husband is the best human being she has ever known. She was the first female professor of a big University in Texas and she said her husband supported her all the way!
On the last day she was weaker and her voice diminished so we didn’t talk much. I had been straightening her hands off and on for days and within a minute or to she would peacefully dose off and put her hands right back in this unique position. Finally, I asked her about it and she said, “sometimes I become a little afraid of dying and when that fear hits I am reminded of a braided cord. A cord made up of three separate fibers that are entwined as if they were one large rope. Unbreakable bonds, least that is what they say. One day the pain and fear overwhelmed me and I whispered to God and asked for comfort. Then as I prayed my hands seemed to involuntarily fold like a fist holding a rope and it was so comfortable and calming. As I lay there praying the Spirit of God greeted me so gently and told me he loved me and soon he would be taking me home. He told me to hold onto to this rope of The Trinity and not let go. He said that he won’t leave me and to just trust him and hold on to the rope and even as I grow weaker and you straighten my hands they return to the rope and I hold on so hard that I feel no pain nor fear at all. Within the hour this beautiful, faith filled woman died but without a doubt I know Whom she was holding to and that He would never break his promise.

“It is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee. 2Corinthians 1:21,22

Like a sledgehammer

He said I felt like a sledgehammer in his chest
He said my steel magnolia eyes are the place he found rest
He said he never met a girl life me before or since
He said life without me made no sense
And the music played and the song was sung.

Copper Moon

A remote beach calls me with a symphony of crystal sea sound.
Swimming free under a Copper Moon shining atop the waves
Fears are banished into the midnight phosphorus of indigo blue
My heart is so full and I know that I am homeward bound.

I surrender my soul to the wonders of The Holy One
I weep for joy as the tentacles of humanity gently slip away
The Copper Moon escorts me through the peace I have found
Holy baptism fuels me yet again and I know that I am homeward bound.

My brother

I remember how you loved cinnamon toast and Saturday cartoons.
I remember when I cried in the dark, you came to my room and made me laugh
We whispered and giggled until we saw the man in the moon.
We scurried back to bed when we heard Dad coming.
You are my hero, my comedian and friend and brother for life and beyond…

This is how my thoughts go sometimes…

It is fall now, the brisk breeze flings all her colors around me.
The smell of wood burning is like a heady perfume
The fire catching sparks at the hem of my coat I fly now
The time is slower, people are farther, love prevails

Silence

Photo by Alin Serban

Silence is an endangered sensory gift. The “still point” of a turning world is the origin of this dance called living.

I do not preach in market place or a building. I preach by my way of life, imperfect though I am.

There is the ” Inevitable hard”, there is the ” failure”, the “burden of difficulties” yet in these points there is great “Joy” knowing I am not alone.

Will you come and sit with me in the “Silence”?

We can understand the journey of Joy together!

Scared, Scarred, and Sacred

Photo by Bruno Thethe on Pexels.com

Scared, Scarred,  and Sacred

He is a beautiful scared boy.
He has a deeply scarred heart.
The difference in between is Sacred.

His kindness makes angels weep.
His wounds so painful to behold.
The difference in between is Sacred.

Who can be the balm for his scars?
Who can hold him when he is scared?
This mysterious union is Sacred.