It is well know that it is hard for me to swallow words because I believe when we do it makes nothing but trouble. I want to talk before I die. I want to say things to those I love. I want to say things to my fellow human beings. I know you all will go on talking when I am gone from this earth and that is how things are supposed to be…yet, I can think of a thousand things I could share with my children and grandchildren and whether it matters much what I say in the long run I still want to. I could pour love into their hearts for ions…I want that.
Even an argument is the dialogue of life. To disagree, to not understand, to try with all your might to get it right, to have understanding… these are verbal skills too. I want that.
On the other hand so much can be “Said” without words. A hug, a cup of coffee, or just sitting in silence and stillness but I feel these actions speak volumes. These are verbal skills as well. In the presence of peace or strife there must be a “knowing”…a connection. I want that.
Last but not least there is the written word. For me, this is the ultimate verbal skill. This verbal skill fits me and gives me joy. I want to paint a picture with words on paper. To make a record of things that are not easy to forget. I want that.
One writer said, “It is so much easier, to learn to love what you have instead of yearning always for what you’re missing. It is so much more peaceful.” She has good verbal skills. I want that.

Alpha Girl Suicides…have you heard this term?

 
There is a lot of verbage out there in the world and cyberspace and movies about the Alpha Male but lately my attention has been drawn to the Alpha Female. The Alpha Girl is the whole package. She is strong, she is a winner, she is pretty, she excels in academics, she comes from a good solid family who love her, she is confident, and she is successful. The Alpha Girl is on the honor roll or has only made a “few” B’s in her life The Alpha Girl is not necessarily a cheerleader or a homecoming queen but she is most likely a “star” at what she pursues whether it is debate or basketball she will probably get a scholarship for it or an academic scholarship to boot. This female will have lots of friends, go to a good college, and have a dream of becoming a doctor, a journalist, a good mother and wife.

 
This female has a daddy who loves her well and a Mama she can talk to and is her biggest fan. She may have sisters or brothers that she adores and they adore her. This female will be cute in whatever she wears. She will have cute boyfriends and be invited to all the parties there are to be invited to. She is NOT a mean girl and she is not necessarily a rich girl. She is a very nice and pleasant girl. She is a joy to all who know her. She is Alpha because of all the things mentioned above. She moves and navigates her life with sense and humor. She leads. Leadership is natural to her. Leadership does not require large effort on her part. She is gifted. She is Alpha Female.

 
So why are the Alpha Females killing themselves? This is the puzzling question in a world where suicide is becoming more and more common and I cannot help noticing that the one, who by nature lives and survives well, is now taking her own life. I am not a scientist and I haven’t studied wildlife but I believe when alpha males and females grow weak unto death it is usually because of disease or warfare with a predator. {the existence of evil…discussion for another day.}

 
None of us can know another person’s inner self so suicide and the reason for it cannot ever really be explained nor would I have the audacity to presume or judge anyone else on this earth but this issue saddens me and compels me to questions. Not questions of why this happens so much as where was the hope, the joy of life? Where did it go for this lovely young woman who seemingly had it all?

 
I cannot answer these questions I can only examine myself. I can only encourage the young woman in my path that while they are gifted as an Alpha Girl they must see it all, all of life as just that, a gift. We who love them, nurture them, and follow them must remind them just like everyone else wants to be reminded, “you are loved just for yourself and NOT your giftedness.”

 
A sober subject perhaps but I see the validity of discussing these things. These are wonderful women’s lives at stake. This essay is left open ended in a way but I will end here with the following poem from the Psalms of David…

 
In you, Lord my God; I put my trust.
I trust in you: do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.
Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.