(“Rachmones”:this is a Hebrew word for womb…It is the definition of a compassion as deep and as undeniable as what a mother feels for her child). A little set up for the journal essay below…love you and your family.

 

I got up very early on Sunday morning and sat on a bench in the park…I wondered what it would be like to leave my Christian self and shrug off the garment of My Lord’s bloody cloak. I remember standing up and bowing to my knees. The stillness and holiness of that place brought to my mind the word’s “Lord have mercy… “Chrieste eleison.” Then I thought of the former life I had shed because of Christ and how he had withheld his anger from me and has shown me His Mercy. The Yiddish word for Mercy is “rachmones”, whose root is “rechem” the Hebrew word for womb.

 

Myself being a mother and now a grandmother I am sure once again that God is my father and my mother, the silent mother of mercy, if you will. In his transcendence He is not limited in any way. I know that I could no sooner cease being a Christian then I can cease being me…So I picked up my bloody cloak of Jesus Christ and put it back on gladly. I pray that if anyone sees anything at all the rest of my life it will be God, the silent mother of Mercy, Rachmones.

 

I lie down under the burden

         of the courage that I lack

For you to see the sin in me

        cannot be taken back

 

 

It is my greatest fear at times

       you might finally know

The dark and filth I tasted once

      I never want to show

 

Exposure of who I really am

     could drive your love away

After all  you’re only human

     dare I hope that you would stay?

 

The truth of exposure that I  do not fear

      is a mystery not of loss

but a debt that is paid fully

      willingly hung upon the Cross