The gifts that I have received as a nurse could fill a book…

pexels-photo-207986.jpeg

 

The gifts that I have received as a nurse could fill a book…here is on of those precious golden nuggets that I carry with me…
“The truth is when people aren’t around I sleep a lot.” said the one hundred four-year old. Her Baltic sea blue eyes sparkle when she speaks. “You know I sleep to save up energy for these well-worn cells so I can enjoy it when I go out and see my family…children, grand children, great grand children, and even great great grandchildren…it is so much fun for me.”
“You know when you reach your fifties, sixties, and seventies you worry that you will get sick. If you live through those decades and don’t die from cancer or heart disease or stroke you feel young again even though you are old.”
“When you are in your thirties and forties you are robust and feel you have this short window to “Make a life” for yourself and your children, measuring success by land marks such as houses, cars, income, and education… Anyone below thirty is truly just a baby still…people don’t believe me because a twenty or thirty year old think they know everything and really they don’t.”
I sat down in the chair by her hospital bed and she smiled. She said, “What I see after living this long is everyone is so noisy and in a rush to reach somewhere beyond the life they have now. It is such a waste of the moment, of the joy intended for us. It is actually good NOT to know everything. Knowledge is no good anyway without character, without pain and disappointment.”
As she lay her head back on her pillow I notice the elegance in her posture and the way her hands lay so beautifully on her lap. “these hands she said have touched so much life and I am always reminded that life is so wonderful and tragic at the same time. I have seen war, slavery, and needless cruelty but I have also seen the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets. I have walked the beach and climbed the mountain. I have seen God there. I have heard babies cry and five minutes later laughing so purely and without malice. I have seen death and know that it doesn’t last nor it is the “end” of any part of me.”
As she closed her eyes she sighed, “Life is a wonder and a gift…God’s wisdom is NOT locked away from us. It is given to us everyday if we will listen and then receive it…don’t ever forget that.” I have not forgotten that sweet lady and her words…and her life spark still lives on in me…

Fried Eggs

pexels-photo-1001759.jpeg

 

My brain feels fried but it’s just my eggs

a guy on the street gave a shout out to my great legs

There were sundry ways on hand to paralyze my pain

until I learned to persist and come back round again

 

Coming back round to get my feet on the ground

coming back round to what’s always been true

I have more than all  I lack, in you

Renew my mind in a single stride

is all it takes to move me down this crazy road.

 

Fiddler

 

violin-musical-instrument-music-sound.jpg

Part of me just won’t show

       what she needs or what she knows

the anger lies beneath the wind

       the fury stirs it up again

 

what did I think would happen

       what do I have to lose

turn my mourning into dancing

      I put on my high heel shoes

 

I can’t drown my sorrow

     breathe through the smoky haze

I want to play the song tomorrow

    but the Fiddler must be paid

 

 

Eternal prospective or why I stopped blaming the Church…

pexels-photo-257030.jpeg

 

From the minute the Resurrected living Jesus, God/Man ascended into heaven the “Church”, { people who want to follow Christ,}  was already in disagreement, misunderstanding, judgement, lack of unity, and broken relationships. They were overwhelmed humans who had their hearts touched by Christ but no one could suspect where the journey of Sanctification would take each one of us.  Jesus knew it would be hard for us when he left here for a season but he also knew the Power of The Holy Spirit was to come and lead, guide, teach, counsel, and comfort us…

From birth to about the age of fifteen The Church was like a Mother’s womb for me. I was nurtured there, taught there, grew in the knowledge of The Word of God there. I quickly learned the native customs, soon a hymn and bible verse or two. You learn to speak Christian-eze rather quickly and “take on” an “idea” of who God is and how you are supposed to live but then one day you realize you cannot trust these people and they cannot trust you UNLESS you can admit that we all are simply trying to find our way in Jesus Christ.  Trust must be earned by day in and day out relationships.

As time goes on  you see that there is so much more to this Church thing. You see the gap that often lies between what we say and what we do. When you are young you don’t realize that this gap is the utter “human problem.” It is so easy to call them all hypocrites and judge them harshly therefore making my self the very same hypocrite…

I came to see that because each of us is so broken in one way or another that we are not equipped to love each other well without the Spirit of Truth in us, Jesus. We are not full of forgiveness most of the time because we do not really understand how serious God is about His Holiness nor do we (most of the time) realize the COST of Forgiveness.  His forgiveness is of course rooted in love for us but He forgives us because of one thing only which is the price that was paid by His Son, Jesus, on the Cross. 

I also came to realize that expecting forgiveness and understanding was so arrogant of me. We all have masks we wear, we all hold forgiveness from others and judgment and bigotry in our hearts UNTIL we are regenerated, born again if you will. Until we are transformed. This transformation while INSTANT in Salvation is also a process by which we grow and learn the Joy of our Salvation.

So, I hold none of you, my brother and sisters in Christ, responsible for my hurt, my wounds. I let it all go because Jesus let all of my stuff go and I stand in Him only. I long to empty my self of my self so that there is nothing left but Jesus and his love. (Philippians 2.)

There is so much more to the Christian life than what is here on earth. The eternal perspective is one that only God can reveal to each of us. We are put here to simply “know Christ and make him known.” The Holy Spirit will do and does all the work.

So if you have been wounded or wronged by the Body Of Christ, I ask for forgiveness from YOU! And if the Gospel of Jesus has done one single thing for me (which what He has done is immeasurable) then who am I to be unforgiving for what someone did to me?

To have Joy I must Trust in all that is Christ and in that Freedom we experience Service and in our service we experience Joy. 

“Job knew what it was like to be torn apart by the enormity of God…”

delicate-arch-night-stars-landscape.jpg

Faith involves our deepest passions engaged by the reality of God. For this is what Faith is amidst confusion, doubt, affliction, and being crushed by sorrow or pain. These experiences do not mean we have lost favor with God.

The freedom to doubt, the dignity that God gives us is that to fail, to be over-whelmed, to fear, to be angry, to have passion…these are part of the Christian’s conversion. Mercy is the permission to be human.

In God’s love and forgiveness for each of us he was well aware how deep the need and how dark the sin of his children are. This is why  the death and resurrection of Jesus is the only atonement that could fulfill our needs and deliver us to the arms of The Holy One.

Suffering Faith produces the presence and peace of God. Complacent Faith is a loveless Pharisaic life full of duties that we think somehow please our God.

  We can NEVER please The Holy and realize the Enormity of His Holiness outside of the Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

I find REST in this Truth and only in this Truth.

 

Alpha Girl Suicides

pexels-photo-247195.jpeg

 

Alpha Girl Suicides…have you heard this term?

 
There is a lot of verbage out there in the world and cyberspace and movies about the Alpha Male but lately my attention has been drawn to the Alpha Female. The Alpha Girl is the whole package. She is strong, she is a winner, she is pretty, she excels in academics, she comes from a good solid family who love her, she is confident, and she is successful. The Alpha Girl is on the honor roll or has only made a “few” B’s in her life The Alpha Girl is not necessarily a cheerleader or a homecoming queen but she is most likely a “star” at what she pursues whether it is debate or basketball she will probably get a scholarship for it or an academic scholarship to boot. This female will have lots of friends, go to a good college, and have a dream of becoming a doctor, a journalist, a good mother and wife.

 
This female has a daddy who loves her well and a Mama she can talk to and is her biggest fan. She may have sisters or brothers that she adores and they adore her. This female will be cute in whatever she wears. She will have cute boyfriends and be invited to all the parties there are to be invited to. She is NOT a mean girl and she is not necessarily a rich girl. She is a very nice and pleasant girl. She is a joy to all who know her. She is Alpha because of all the things mentioned above. She moves and navigates her life with sense and humor. She leads. Leadership is natural to her. Leadership does not require large effort on her part. She is gifted. She is Alpha Female.

 
So why are the Alpha Females killing themselves? This is the puzzling question in a world where suicide is becoming more and more common and I cannot help noticing that the one, who by nature lives and survives well, is now taking her own life. I am not a scientist and I haven’t studied wildlife but I believe when alpha males and females grow weak unto death it is usually because of disease or warfare with a predator. {the existence of evil…discussion for another day.}

 
None of us can know another person’s inner self so suicide and the reason for it cannot ever really be explained nor would I have the audacity to presume or judge anyone else on this earth but this issue saddens me and compels me to questions. Not questions of why this happens so much as where was the hope, the joy of life? Where did it go for this lovely young woman who seemingly had it all?

 
I cannot answer these questions I can only examine myself. I can only encourage the young woman in my path that while they are gifted as an Alpha Girl they must see it all, all of life as just that, a gift. We who love them, nurture them, and follow them must remind them just like everyone else wants to be reminded, “you are loved just for yourself and NOT your giftedness.”

 
A sober subject perhaps but I see the validity of discussing these things. These are wonderful women’s lives at stake. This essay is left open ended in a way but I will end here with the following poem from the Psalms of David…

 
In you, Lord my God; I put my trust.
I trust in you: do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.
Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.

I must look a mess I must admit…

pexels-photo-983820.jpeg

 

I must look a mess I must admit

          but I have been pretending quite a bit.

 

Never let them see you sweat I’m told

         all these masks are just so hard to hold.

 

There must be a place to lay  these weapons down

       put out the pretty China and paint the town.

 

A lady must always look her best

      and I just don’t think I can pass the test.

 

So I built a bonfire and burned up all the rules

     castles built on sand is for the fool.

 

 

 

 

 

All we ever wanted…

pexels-photo-424517.jpeg

I have the privilege in my work of meeting young teenaged women from all over the world…the other day I was talking with a young woman who is a senior this year. She comes from the other side of the world. (I will not say where just to protect her privacy).

This young lady is a precious woman. She is extremely intelligent and the opportunity to come to America and study her last two years of high school means so much to her and her future. As we were talking the other evening I asked her what her thoughts are on the best of America and the worst of America. She had so many “best” things to say about America…”the freedom of always experiencing and learning new things, the privilege of having “new” things at your disposal, the wonder of all the cars and roads that are so easily travelled, and last but not least the abundance of food and medical care and well, everything!”

As she began to tell me the “worst” thing she has seen in America my heart began to ache. It took all my strength not to cry. She said, “Unfortunately the worst thing I see in American’s is pride, a kind of arrogance that I have never seen before. It seems to exist among all ages. I do not understand “entitlement”. I do not understand the arrogance of not giving honor to God because everything we have is a gift from Him is it not?”

For a few days I have carried this message around with me. It has burdened me. It has caused me to weep, pray, and it is right that it should affect me this way. Getting and having all we ever wanted…even that, God gave it.

I am reminded of the words of the Apostle Paul…’For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?’  Grateful.

Time…

pexels-photo-707676.jpeg

 

This concept of time becomes more and more of a puzzle to me as I age. We spend more of our life process being old than we do being young…I study my grandchildren as they play and they really are not marred by this burden of time. Lyla just turned four and she lives “so in the moment.” After a nap she starts a whole new day! Each event in their backyard play is a new day…they enjoy every ray of sunshine, every raindrop, every Popsicle, every swing and slide as if they never will end. Emmet understands the idea of day and night, of a day or two…yet he still asks, “do I have school tomorrow?” Even my daughters who are now thirty and thirty-three seem untouched by time…looking forward and ready…
I wonder if this is what Jesus was referring to when he said “unless you come as a child…you just won’t get it.” It is like a split screen view for me…my wonderful friends from high school all joke and reminisce about how only yesterday we were just children looking for clarity, acceptance and avoiding rejection and heart break as best we could…now we are sixty but we feel and in fact we ARE those same kids yet we are not kidswe have grown, learned, hurt, lost, been sick, as well as blessed and happy and grateful…that recipe that is life yet Time just keeps interfering…the song by John Mayer called Clarity says “by the time I recognize this moment this moment will be gone…” So true YET untrue because this moment lives on in me, in the fabric of my being…they say the reputation of a life well spent is what the person  did during their life span but I would purpose a life well spent has absolutely nothing to do with Time rather who you touched, laughed with, and cried with…Time cannot steal relationships.

 

This post is dedicated to my Aunt Clarice Roark…

The Great Refusal

pexels-photo-744912.jpeg

 

In the story of the Rich young Ruler which is a story that church attenders probably know well we see  this young man who did so many things right.

He came at the right time in his life. He came as a young man who was making his way in the world. He came from a “good” family. He had a career that was taking off, as we see, he is referred to as a “young ruler.”  From that we can deduce he was healthy and socially in good standing.

He came in the right way that one day that he approached Jesus. He came in humility and ask a sincere question.

He came to the right person which was Jesus the Son of God to have a theological dialogue about the Jewish laws by which they both lived. He knew that Jesus was a great teacher and had undoubtedly heard of his good deeds and healing of many people in the area.

He came for the right purpose which that he wanted Eternal Salvation and Redemption. It appears that this rich young ruler realized that his life still “lacked” something and had left him questioning “what must a man do to be right with God?” His demeanor appears in scripture to be one of sincerity.

He received the right answer from the LORD himself which was to give all that he had to the poor, to leave his family and follow Jesus.

In the end however, at least at this time in his life, we see that he made the wrong decision in his refusal to do as Jesus asked. His immediate response was “I have too much responsibility, I have a good job, I have my parents and family to take care of.”  This decision of refusal left the young man walking away from  Jesus and the Bible states, “he went away sad.”

My take away from this story is this…regardless of where you are whether young or old, rich or poor, sick or  well…Consider Jesus. Don’t refuse even if all seems right to you.

Mark 10:17-22.