the Christ follower

The Christian Conversation…

/ jill autrey dorman
marketing man person communication

Photo by Gratisography 

It seems to me that all people who I know, even those who don’t agree with me politically or spiritually, long for redemption in some form. They want to be heard. To have  value. To redeem the things inside of us that hurt us and others. These automatic responses of “defensive behavior” which only seem to widen the gap in our ability to be relational in this world must be exposed for growth to occur.

We seem to mix up guilt and shame into a toxic cocktail that instead of leading to redemption gives us a false sense of entitlement or justice…”well, I have behaved like this because so and so was done to me…” Or, we fill up our “empty self” with something to make us think we matter…
As I grow older (63 in December) I have a passion for myself and the people around me to, as one writer puts it, “have the freedom to doubt, to have fear, to fail, to be overwhelmed, to be angry, to have passion…that is the dignity that God gives us…that comes from God living deep within me…This IS the Christian conversation.”

 
In my recent study (almost three years now) of Job’s life I am so strongly compelled by his (Job’s) conversations with God and his friends and family. Job experiences every grief, emotion, pain, failure, fear, and joy that is the human experience…He loves God, he gets angry with God. His friends support him AND forsake him…his family is taken away, his wife mourns without him. He is utterly alone and physically ill yet all the while he is aware that God is present and that THIS conversation going on is the one that all the other conversations (life) are perched upon…

 

The thing about Jesus and His cross of atoning death and his Resurrection is that it is for everyone! Anyone! Billions before us have known this is true. We are “invited” to come and see that the Lord is good. Then we are invited by his holy power to grow up an invite others. No one is not welcome at the cross. Never forget.

 
My friend, Dr. Hud McWilliams, who is a great teacher and thinker and counselor told me the most challenging part of his work is to convince adults that your largest part of growing is STILL TO COME. He said, “you should grow until death.”

 
Some deep thoughts today no doubt but this is the conversation of life that drives me…I am grateful for it and see it as a huge gift…something to think about…

Getting older…

/ jill autrey dorman

sunset sun horizon priroda

My body is softer now. My skin has begun to drape like crepe paper. I do not have to wear glasses to read  but I do to drive. I hope to gracefully age for my daughters, although a lot of my friends have had “work done” and while it is tempting, it is not me. I was voted “most like Mary Ann on Gilligan’s island” at a class reunion once. I like that title and will keep that as a compliment (I can’t pull off Ginger for sure) but I still color  my hair. Just can not take the gray yet graceful or not.
Walking purposefully and briskly until death. I  long to finish my life well. I do not  know what lies ahead. I navigate and then I wait. I try to stay in the moment. I try to continue to grow. The alternative is death.
I know real Continue reading →

from all that is broken…

/ jill autrey dorman
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Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

I lift my eyes
from all that is broken
from the ashes of idols
from lies that are spoken

 
I lift my eyes
from this earthen vessel
from unanswered questions
from the unfulfilling morsels

 
I lift my eyes
the window of my soul
to the heaven’s Creator
to The One who has control

 
I lift my eyes
where my Faith will be made sight
at His appearing I will see
The Defender and Lover of my soul
has His eyes on me

A bloodied and battered Benediction

/ jill autrey dorman

 

hand full of blood

A  silent prayer to the close of night

bloodied and battered in the morning light

No more walls or secret places

ashes to the wind  from trash to Grace…

 

The ribbons of sadness all broken away

Redemption’s song the melody of the day

I will  meet you at the road and the sky

over the edge I will let my spirit fly…

 

Turn my mourning into dancing

I clap my hands with the rocks and tree

The Benediction to the new day coming

a wedding feast for my Beloved and me…

 

 

 

 

 

I tried to make it Sunday…

/ jill autrey dorman / 1 Comment

landscape vacation people clouds

 

Well I tried to make it Sunday

but that ocean tide came calling

I stopped on the way for some Tupelo honey

just know my soul needs healing…

 

My Angels have grown older now

though they do not tire of my journey

they bring comfort to my soul

they guard me in my worry…

 

There are no words needing to be spoken

there is no darkness I cannot face

I will sit beside the ocean blue

and for a time it will be a resting place…

Holy face

/ jill autrey dorman

  • abstract beach bright clouds

    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

  • No one can look into your face, yet you let us stand in the Holy Place
  • Oh how amazing to be present with you while the world spits in your face.
  • One minute we doubt you and next on our knees we beg Your mercy and grace
  • Amazing love, the old hymn sings, oh how can it be?
  • What do I know of your Holy face, yet you let me think I do?
  • When least deserved your presence and light come shining through
  • How I long to be in your heaven with you until all your love I know
  • Amazing love, the old hymn sings, on how can it be?

 

Rachmones, the Hebrew word…

/ jill autrey dorman
silhouette of pregnant standing on seashore during golden hour

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

(“Rachmones”:this is a Hebrew word for womb…It is the definition of a compassion as deep and as undeniable as what a mother feels for her child). A little set up for the journal essay below…love you and your family.

 

I got up very early on Sunday morning and sat on a bench in the park…I wondered what it would be like to leave my Christian self and shrug off the garment of My Lord’s bloody cloak. I remember standing up and bowing to my knees. The stillness and holiness of that place brought to my mind the word’s “Lord have mercy… “Chrieste eleison.” Then I thought of the former life I had shed because of Christ and how he had withheld his anger from me and has shown me His Mercy. The Yiddish word for Mercy is “rachmones”, whose root is “rechem” the Hebrew word for womb.

 

Myself being a mother and now a grandmother I am sure once again that God is my father and my mother, the silent mother of mercy, if you will. In his transcendence He is not limited in any way. I know that I could no sooner cease being a Christian then I can cease being me…So I picked up my bloody cloak of Jesus Christ and put it back on gladly. I pray that if anyone sees anything at all the rest of my life it will be God, the silent mother of Mercy, Rachmones.

Exposure

/ jill autrey dorman / 1 Comment

art blur close up colors

 

I lie down under the burden

         of the courage that I lack

For you to see the sin in me

        cannot be taken back

 

 

It is my greatest fear at times

       you might finally know

The dark and filth I tasted once

      I never want to show

 

Exposure of who I really am

     could drive your love away

After all  you’re only human

     dare I hope that you would stay?

 

The truth of exposure that I  do not fear

      is a mystery not of loss

but a debt that is paid fully

      willingly hung upon the Cross

 

 

 

Your Young Ones will Dream

/ jill autrey dorman

abstract angelic art blast

 

I dreamed I saw a million angels flying saying something about the King.

There were children singing and mountains falling into the empty Sea.

Who will it be, who will it be, is the Holy One finally come?

Look for the Evil one’s dying day for the End has just begun.

 

I was kneeling at an alter of burning dreams there was a red moon in the Sky.

There were mothers crying and babies dancing yet no one there could die.

How can it be, how can it be, will the damage be undone?

Look at the Sword He holds in his hands, it blazes like the Sun.

 

I dreamed I heard Purity and Fury thunder and the earth split wide in two.

There were graveyards rolling and a clear voice calling, “wake up, I have come for you.”

When will it be, when will it be, has the Kingdom finally come?

Look toward the heavens and you just may see Him before the day is done.